Unfortunately, TarVar and all of his jump pass glory ended up being more exciting and rewarding to his team than Donovan McNabb’s ho-hum, run-of-the-mill 39 yard outing. Just an average day for a Vikings quarterback! It’s truly remarkable, I feel like I’ve seen this exact same game from a Vikings quarterback just with different skin color or names. Brooks Bollinger, Brad Johnson, Kelly Holcomb, Spergeon Wynn, Tarvaris Jackson, even. Remember his first start in Green Bay? It was bad, but even then a rookie who never should have seen a high school football field managed 50 yards of passing. McNabb? Makes me want to shoot my toes off.
But let us forget about that for a moment and share in laughter together at this week’s Tweets O’ the Game. Thanks to Doktakra for getting us started.
Next we move on to @_willcompton who pretty much echoed my sentiments from the start of the game exactly:
Now, to be fair, while I do admit to feelings of disgust from what I feel was exploitation and commercialization from the NFL concerning 9/11 ceremonies and remembrances, I also cannot deny that having a god damn bald eagle fly around a stadium of Americans with a huge American flag in the middle is pretty awesome. In fact, I don’t understand why bald eagles aren’t used more often in pre-game rituals at all sporting events. Do eagles freak out easily? Is seeing an eagle so rare that this is what makes it awesome? Will their talons rip off the face of a Packer fan in an enclosed space? All the more reason to use them, I say. Either way, it was solid.
@bchapman88 also makes a very poignant observation about NFL rituals:
Sooooo racists? Modern day slavery? All of those explanations work, yes? Maybe it’s just that most rappers these days suck. Who are you going to get to “sing” the national anthem? T Pain? Might as well have Johnny 5 sing. Eminem? I want to hear singing, not have my ears raped. Jay-Z? Do I have to pay to hear just the song, because that’d be the only way he’d do it. God, I’m old. I just hate everything.
Next, @Lyngstads locked account brings us something that I don’t quite understand but clearly enjoy because of the penis reference:
I know it’s from something, but I just can’t place it. It’s not the shark meme, at least it better not be, otherwise I’m going to have to dick slap them for not getting it right. So, a little help? Schmanks.
Now, normally, I think @TheRealDarkStar from KFAN immortality is a bit of a jackalope. I don’t think his takes are humorous at all, and I’m pretty sure he only talks hockey, which means he LOVES stick (gay). However, I admit to having guffawed at this:
It’s true. Where is that douchebag Dugan? Did he ever get picked up, or is he back running a chop shop somewhere in Maryland? That totally seems like something he’d do after retiring from the NFL. I don’t envision him wearing a lot of leather or anything, but definitely a sleeveless t-shirt from a metal band and a bandanna of some sort while chewing Skoal. I bet we’d have a better offensive attitude on this queef of a team if Dugan was still here. Dark Star may be on to something.
Another Tweeter, @abecketsolem, just used some very choice wording in this tweet:
It sounds so sad, so noble. You’re not asking for much. You just wish that one of our overpaid receivers wouldn’t drop an easily catchable ball, even if it was a bit under thrown while under pressure from our shitty offensive line. Is that too much to ask? DOES PERCY HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING??!! The answer is yes.
Finally, I sure wish I was playing @mflbw in fantasy football this week:
But I wasn’t. Instead I was playing some jackass that somehow knew to start the fat ass full back for the Chargers. My guess is he went through and just picked up whatever Charger offensive player was still available on the waiver wire and started him, knowing he’d get AT LEAST a touchdown during the game. Not a bad idea, actually, and clearly I wish I thought of it myself, but instead I’ve discovered that I already hate fantasy football this season. ALREADY. Dammit.
Taking us out today is our cherry picked “ReTweet of the Game.” I didn’t get in as many opportunities as I would have liked to be naturally charming and hilarious like usual because Comcast decides to continue to finger my urethra by providing the absolute shittiest internet service in the country. Congratulations, dick noses! Anyone use something like Qwest and suggest it? Would like to hear and drop those lady boys. Anyway, this retweet technically comes from Saturday when we all heard that Purple Jesus was resurrected as a Vikings for seven more years (for a price …), and it’s chosen because it apparently had such an impact on people that it got THREE retweets!! I am such a good tweeter!!
So thanks to akcanonsong