Yo, yo, whaz poppin’ slimes? We allz bout to bust yo’ heads side wayz wid some BOOGNISH. Ya’ll heard diz blockbusta move dat dem Minnesnowda Vikes got gowin on up in deya? OH SHIT, DEY JUST SIGNED STYLEZ WHITE TO A MAFUGGIN CONTRACT BOIIIIII. Shit bouts to get JANGO FETT up in heya.
Oh you heard it right. STYLEZ WHITE is bringin his face smashin, gun lashin, finga blastin style to the great lakes state of states to help dis heya team win some fuggin games. Ya’ll don’, psssshh, ya’ll don’t even KNOW bout dat boy Stylez, you heard? Trick ass folk up in the ice land think cuz some rich black man be changin his name to honor his most favoritst movie as a young chillin that he can’t game? OH, YOU DON’T THINK STYLES BE BALLIN? What, just cuz he been drafted by them Bucky’s in Tampa and then went to Houston, Hot-lanta, Tennessissy, Nawlins, DC, and Chi-Town in the NFL, Olando and Tampa again that he can’t play? BOY STOP. Stylez is bout to spit some game on yo face like you was a bad pono actress get a load of elephant juice, NAWMEAN.
CHECK IT. First order of busness from my man STYLEZ is to change up dem names in this state to proper BALLIN names. He ain’t “proposin” da fallowin, we makin’ this shit O-FIC-IAL on day one. Get used to this, because this is how my boy STYLEZ runs shit round heya now. New names for these wack ass Vikings include:
- Leslie Frazier = BIG LESLIE
- Adrian Peterson = PURPLE JESUS IS FINE
- Percy Harvin = NUGGET PERCY P
- Husain Abdullah = ALLAH DA HIT MAN
- Emmanuel Arceneaux = E MANNY JAM
- Ryan Cook = HOT RY R GRAVES AKA RICH TOP
- Greg Camarillo = G-REAL
- Toby Gerhart = SLIM TENACIOUS TOBY T DOOM AKA KID SMIRK
- Jim Kleinsausser = JK DOG STACKS AKA PUGNACIOUS SPIN
- Chris Kluwe = CHOPPA CHRISSY C CHROME AKA BROTHA SHARK
- Phil Loadholt = SLO P TRIP
- Donovan McNabb = DONOVAN D TICKLE AKA SKINNY SLAM
- Christian Ponder = KRACKER C
- Visanthe Shiancoe = SHADY V AKA FATTY TANK
- Ryan Longwell = KRAZY RY B BAD
- Everson Griffen = EVERSON JUICE AKA DEVIOUS FACE
AND DATS THE TROOF. Don’t let me hear you say none of dem above names wrong AGAIN or we come at you with a spiked fuggin bat, just a spiked bat to your nuts like BLAOW.
No hold up, we gotta call MC STAFFORD and see what’s up in this biotch division. PEACE.
(Got your own nicknames for people not covered? Leave them in the comments!)