Stuart and the Bee

“Sport” as dictionary.com defines it is “diversion; recreation; pleasant pastime. ” and as “an athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature, as racing, baseball, tennis, golf, bowling, wrestling, boxing, hunting, fishing, etc. “. Sport. S_P_O_R_T. Sport.
Under the first definition, the Spelling Bee falls well within the confines of the definition. While this is certainly not an “athletic activity” it does require skill and is competetive in nature. It’s as close to sport as some of these kids are ever going to get. Just because you can’t dunk and where glasses that may be bigger than your head doesn’t mean you don’t have that competetive itch. Additionally, the kids playing baseball who have good hand eye coordination don’t need the enormous glasses and won’t be pigeonholed as the spelling kid and stand a chance at making millions if they’re really good at what they do. Someone who is an excellent speller stands to make a modest salary as a pain in the ass editor somewhere. [ed. note: Hey!] I say, give these kids a chance to shine, ESPN, because this fits the loosest definition of sports, and really, it’s good, educational television.
So, what was over the top for their coverage then? They had the same announcers, whose names I have misplaced. Then Robin Roberts was hosting. We’re still fine. And Mike & Mike were there, which was a stretch, but I can live with it. Greenberg was probably envious of these kids and had dreamed of success in the Spelling Bee his whole life. Golic, though a former pro football player handles the soft stories like this with aplomb and did a wonderful job covering the event. I’ll let it slide.
No no, they crossed the line by having Stuart Scott interviewing eliminated candidates in the Comfort Room (they had a strip club back stage?! Oh… Right). The funny thing is, Scott, a man who has been on TV for more than a decade, was clearly outperformed in these interviews by the kids who definitely made the most of their time on camera. I think it was because these kids were so frank, polite and honest that Stu was thrown off.
Samir Patel was eliminated early and admitted he had just made a stupid mistake. Ignore for a minute that he was in the National Spelling Bee and it’s hard to call any of the mistakes particularly stupid. Stuart Scott seemed flabbergasted. What? No Rasheed Wallace blow up at the judges? They didn’t pronounce “Clevis” all the ways they should have! What?! No, Patel was humble.
Later, they had a word with Jonathan Horton of Arizona, a Spelling Bee veteran who had been there several times before, and had just been knocked out for the last time. He had received a standing ovation as he walked off stage, and Stu asked him about how he felt about all of that, and Hoton had tears in his eyes as he struggled through the answer, expressing the respect and admiration he had for the other spellers. Instead of ending on that touching note and sending it back to Roberts, Scott asked another question. Horton and viewers ever seemed mortified, and Scott was oblivious. O_B_L_I_V_I_O_U_S. Oblivious.
Kavya Shivashankar of Olathe, Kansas was eliminated and a little rattled when she got interviewed by Stu. With her was her 5 year old sister Vanya, who was clearly more precocious than Scott seemed to grasp, asking simple questions you would ask any 5 year old, rather than ones you would ask one who was probably smarter than you. In the brief discourse between Vanya and Stu, Vanya had the smug look of a little girl who could not be bothered by someone so dumb. Don’t worry, Vanya, Stu would rather not be here either. He would rather be building his street cred, riding with Pacman Jones.
In the end, though, as with most sports, the competitor you would least like to see win eventually did. Evan O’Dorney of Danville, California, who was admittedly more interested in music and math than spelling, eventually pulled down the prize. Unbelievable. It’s the biggest crock since Ricky Williams won the Heisman. Of course, O’Dorney would rather be composing concertos while Williams would rather by smoking pot.
In any case, ESPN and ABC did a pretty good job with the Bee this year, save for one dope who probably didn’t realize these kids were cooler than he was. Heck, they’re probably cooler than most of us.