Guys on Ice: The Cup After Party

Guys on Ice: The Cup After Party

Barry Melrose Rocks

Guys on Ice: The Cup After Party


*** Welcome to the Detroit NHL chatroom, Friday night! ***
WOOO! We did it!
Fleury_Avec_sprinkles: WOOO! Does this mean I am now “Clutch guy?”

ToThaMax_69: No, you are just a very lucky guy. You know who’s clutch? Me. I score game winning goal while Captain Crosby is looking for his nuts after he tried sneaking up on a Red Wings guy.
Staal_Boy11: Can we call you Cindy now? I mean, after that hit…
SidneyNotKidney: Don’t call me Cindy!
Staal_Boy11: I’m just saying, I passed biology, after cheating off that Asian kid. If it doesn’t have nuts, it’s a girl.
SidneyNotKidney: For the last time: it hurt, but I still have my testicles! Got it?
Staal_Boy11: Whatever, Cindy. Hey, I know what we can do.
***Staal_Boy11 has taken out their cellphone and dialed STAAL-E**
Staal_Boy11: Looks like you’re not mom’s favorite anymore, asshat!
STAAL-E:  Jordan, I KNOW. I saw it on TV and you’ve already called me like six times.
Staal_Boy11: Looks like mom’s gonna make me her special Stanley Cup casserole!
STAAL-E: Dude, I’d hate to burst your bubble, but it’s just cream of mushroom soup and hamburger cooked over Ramen noodles.
Staal_Boy11: Shut up, jerkface!
***Staal_Boy11 has hung up the phone***
Where’s the Cup? I got two very fine ladies who are about to give me some sweet, sweet vagina lovin’ if I can prove I have it.
Staal_Boy11: Didn’t some of the older guys have it for a while?
Go_go_Guerin: Nah, we’re just working on an AIDS cure. Not like you’d notice. 
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles: Someone has to see it and return it, right? I think someone will be good enough to return it.
SidneyNotKidney: This isn’t a wallet we’re talking about here, it’s the Cup, for Pete’s sake! You don’t just leave that in the bathroom!
Staal_Boy11: I mean it’s big and meal. You don’t just lose it.
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles: Should we call the police?
ToThaMax_69: You silly boy, Fleury! You really think some guy’s going to be like, “Hey! Police people! I just stole Stanley cup! Check it out–Chick-a-chee!”  Now, I gotta go, those girls won’t wait forever. ***ToThaMax_69 has left the chatroom***
I’m calling Mario
Staal_Boy11: No! Do NOT call Mario! You’ll just make him worry.
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles: Or interrupt one of his stories. You know how much he hates that.
SidneyNotKidney: I gotta call Mario! He’ll know what to do! ***SidneyNotKidney has called Super_Mario_66***
SidneyNotKidney: Mario, I lost the Cup!  I dunno what to do!
Super_Mario_66:  Sid, you’ve only had that for, what, four hours? And you already lost it? That’s so unprofessional.
SidneyNotKidney: I’m sorry!
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles: Hold on! I think I saw Geno with it. Mario, don’t worry! We’re gonna find it! Let’s go!
***SidneyNotKidney hangs up phone***
So, you’re Evgeni Malkin, you just won the Stanley Cup AND Conn Smythe Trophies. What do you do?
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles:…Go to Denny’s?
SidneyNotKidney: TO the Denny’s!

***Welcome to Detroit Denny’s!***
Elizabeth! I won Cup for you!
SidneyNotKidney: Malkin, you can’t just take off like that! What if you got mobbed by an army of crackheads or
Staal_Boy11: “Army of Crackheads”?
SidneyNotKidney: I’m the captain. It’s my job to worry.
Malk_Man: I’s looking for Elizabeth. And looking at Red Wings drowning sorrows in protein shakes and chocolate milk.

Nobody_Does_it_Zetter: I cannot believe I lost that face off.
Wizard_of_Osgood: I cannot believe I never saw that bounce.
Honey_nut_Chelios: I can’t believe a black man is president.
SidneyNotKidney: Actually, while I’m here, some Frecnh toast sounds really good right now.
Staal_Boy11: Whatever. Flower, you want to play “Get Drunk and yell at cars” with me?
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles: Oh, that sounds fun, how do you play?
Malk_Man: Is stupid game!
Staal_Boy11:It’s not a stupid game! It’s awesome, we even have leagues and stuff in Thunder Bay. Come on, I’ll show you Flower

***Staal_Boy11 and Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles leave the Denny’s***
See, it’s real simple. You get drunk, and you yell at the cars.
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles: What do I yell at the cars?
Staal_Boy11: You yell anything. WOOO!
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles: let me try! HAMBURGERLER!
Staal_Boy11: You’re good at this!
Fleury_Avec_Sprinkles: In Quebec, we have similar sport, called “get drunk and light things on fire.”
Staal_Boy11: That sounds so awesome, I can’t even describe it.

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