What’s going on shit stains? Would you mind getting your faggot fucking camera off of my car so that I can continue to impress the ladies in my pimped out Rice Burner? Yeah, that’s right, you’re looking at the most bad ass, panty wetting automobile on the road, my friends. This is the Ride or Die Minnesota Vikings car, cock bag, and if you don’t like it I’ll just put tire tracks over your limp dick. Queer. But let me show you just how tight this shit is …
The first thing that jumps out to you, BOOM!, is the fucking color. It’s a deep Vikings purple, ABSOLUTELY NOT GAY. I accented it with some seal pussy tight yellow stripes down the sides, so that when I come speeding by you at 93 miles per hour all you’ll see is a burst of purple and gold, bitch. That’s how I roll. I don’t have the finances for it yet, but I’m thinking of tagging some erection inducing flames in the yellow stripes as well, so you can just look and see that it’s a hot car that you want to get fucked anally in.
Now, unless I’m at a stop sign flashing my guns to your bitch or illegally double parked somewhere, you probably wouldn’t be able to appreciate all of the tiny gash watering details I threw up on here too. The front and back bumpers have some dick hardening scripts that say Minnesota Vikings, just so you sport hating homos out there don’t accidentally think it’s a Baltimore Raven’s car or some stupid shit. And just in case your feeble brain don’t know how to read, I made it visually obvious too, with team logo decals on the hood, doors, and near the rear spoiler. So, it’s like from any angle you can see that this car reps total purple pride, bitch. Also check out my sweeeeet silver logo in the front. I tell those retarded high school punks that it’s platinum. They fucking fall for it every time.
The horns above the headlights are a fucking awesome touch that my boy Dukes came up with. I mean, it makes sense; the front of the car is like the helmet, so the horns should be there. And then when some slow ass grandma is scowling at me tailing her dying ass in the left lane, she’ll see THE HORNS! bearing down on her. So pimp. And unless you got a real fucking eagle eye, you queer stains probably wouldn’t catch my middle finger graphic to that cow pounding state Wisconsin on the back window. It’s of Calvin pissing on that worthless Fudge Packing state! How fucking hilarious is that shit?!
I know what you’re thinking. Damn, this ride is fucking DOPE on the outside. Well, guess what bitch? The inside is going to blow your mind too. If you look really carefully you can see that I gots a Vikings blanket draped all over the back seat, so that when I’m nailing TONS of poon back there it doesn’t stain the upholstery when I make their rivers run free. In the front, I got a Cris Carter jersey, AUTHENTIC, draped over the drivers chair as well, so if you’re sitting in the back seats it looks like Carter is driving it. DOPE! And naturally, I have a custom Vikings steering wheel cover to grip one handed while I’m cruising Lake Calhoun. And Dukes came up with this too, he said, “Put your Skoal on the dashboard, so people can clearly see you’re a badass.” Guess what? It fucking works.
So as jealous as I’m sure you are of my car, dick angler, just remember that this is authentic purple pride, fucking Ride or Die bitch, and I’m not sharing my detail secrets with anyone. I do gladly give rides, to females only, douche, but you better recognize that it’s gas, grass, or ass man, ‘cause nobody rides for free.
VIKINGZ 4 LIFE!