The robin’s song is no longer heard. Summer will never come. The taste of sugar is no longer as sweet. The Purdue basketball team, the first team that I have remained steadfastly optimistic about in about a decade, embarrassed themselves this afternoon. I am apoplectic. I thus recant any optimism I have had for the past few months and now make the following predictions:
– Joe Mauer will sign a long term contract… with the Red Sox. He will say his favorite part of being a Twin was telling the gullible Nick Punto to slide into first every time he got there.
– The Big Ten will expand, adding Notre Dame, Texas, Missouri and West Virginia. Realizing they now have too many teams, Purdue will be forced to join Conference USA.
– The NHL will heed calls for contraction. Realizing what a boon it was for the Twins, the Wild will offer themselves up.
– The Vikings will win the Super Bowl with Brett Favre at the helm. After the game, he will don steel toed boots and come over and kick me in the nuts.
– The Twins will finish 30 games below .500 this year, despite an enormous payroll.
Thank you, Purdue, for teaching me one more lesson. Never ever have hope for anything.