Fridays during the offseason we try to bring you the biggest, hardest, deepest and best Vikings story lines from the week that wasn’t and wrap them all up in a sexy, overwhelming post that is assured to moisten your boxer briefs, if you’re wearing them. Get yourself prepped for the weekend as you find out what’s happening in Vikings land …
This has been a slow week for Vikings news. The best I’ve been able to scrounge up is semi-related news of domestic disturbances and hypothetical situations that most assuredly won’t come true. The stadium issues are still rampant (ie, not getting done) but everything has been boring since no one has been arrested or seen with some white tramp in Minneapolis somewhere. That makes for a boring week. That’s not to say that there isn’t ANYTHING out there. Oh, there is SO much. That’s why we’re hitting you with a pants exploding Linkstasy this Friday that is going to provide all the little nipply bits of Vikings news that isn’t really worth turning into an erect dick joke over the week, and even some non-related Vikings stuff that I just think is kind of cool. BUT THIS IS A FOOTBALL BLOG! Don’t kid yourself. It never really has been. At best, it was a poorly done football blog, so it doesn’t really count. However, I would still encourage you to check out the links after the jump because the weekend is coming, there is a long Friday ahead of you, and you need some help to waste your day at work.
Oh, we got you covered.
Brett Favre’s ankle: First it was reported that Brett Favre’s ankle had cancer. Now it’s probably fine enough that he’s going to pass on surgery and be an asshole for the rest of the summer. Nothing has changed!
Anthony Herrera is pissed: Herrera says that he is still pissed about the NFC Championship game. Pissed enough to learn how to run block finally? I hope so. He also claims the Vikings were the best team in the NFL last year. Really? Then fucking win a Super Bowl.
StarCaps is a federal issue now: The NFL is playing cunt face and taking the suspension and StarCaps issue to the Supreme Court. Said the Minnesota judge that made the original ruling; “You went over my helmet?!”
Oh, I remember you Red McCombs: Red McCombs decided to crawl out of his rapist cave and talk about how this recent stadium drive is no different than when he owned the team. McCombs is apparently an expert on failing now? That’s what I read.
VikingsGab is getting sexy: The Gab network is having some sexy senorita join their Gab NFL pages as a video host and will occasionally touch on several teams. The editor at VikingsGab, Warwas, is asking for some questions. First one with a wildly inappropriate one over there wins my eternal love.
Shiancoe has a secret lover: Some guy posted this picture to Visanthe Shiancoe on Twitter earlier this week. Shiancoe retweeting it. I don’t know why. If some man sent me a picture like this I would track his IP address and then go burn down his house and watch it all outside while I cried and tweaked my nipples as he died. What?
The Packers think they’re on the cusp of greatness: This article equates the Green Bay team that won the Super Bowl eons ago (in the 90’s or whatever) with this upcoming year’s Green Bay team. Things the same: They both fucking make my blood go plaid. Things different: They’re more gay somehow.
PJD is internet famous! I have been harassing Drew Magary for quite some time with questions for the Deadspin Funbag. Finally, yesterday, my poop question got answered! Who knew that would be all it would take? I am known there as PJ instead for some reason, but … I’ll take it like a summer sausage.
KSK JaMarcus Russell’s career picture submissions: KSK had their reader’s submit photoshops of JaMarcus Russell’s career as a Raider. They are pretty good. Mine favorite is above. I didn’t do any because I’m lazy. Go figure.
Lane Kiffin is a sexy bitch: Nothing would make me happier than if Lane Kiffin won this contest to be called the sexiest lady in the world. Yes, it reads sexiest lady, and Kiffin is in the Sweet Sixteen. Go vote! Elite Eight it is!
The Gally Blog’s first birthday: If you haven’t figured it out yet, I also contribute over at The Gally Blog, which serves as a nice little catch all for sports, video games, general satire and an odd amount of forced sex stories. Anyway, they just celebrated their first year of blogging and have done a retrospective and reintroductions of all the writers. Go check it out.
50 greatest hip hop samples of all time: You like rap? I mean, good rap, not this crazy hubbub that the kids listen to now-a-days. This site has pulled together the original songs of all the classic samples from the best hip hop back in the day. Yes, I am old. There are some classic breaks here though, so check it out.
Prince of Persia flash game: If none of this works to distract you today, then go play this flash game of Prince of Persia. Does it have Chesty Jake Gyllenhaal? No, but it is fun regardless. I’ve only played one Prince game ever and it was the recent cartoon one for the PS3. I’m embarrassing, I know.
Enjoy the weekend folks. Here are some baby otters.
Also, if anyone is still interested in writing a Vikings related story, even if it’s only semi Vikings related in the most basic sense, about a funny happening, touching moment (no homo?), or just something you want to share, email it to us here and we’ll feature it over the next two weeks.