A Conversation Between A.J. Pierzynski and Ryan Raburn

A Conversation Between A.J. Pierzynski and Ryan Raburn

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A Conversation Between A.J. Pierzynski and Ryan Raburn


Our scene is set during the bottom of the 3rd inning of tonight’s Tigers game against the Chicago White Sox. A.J. Pierzynski is batting with a runner on first and Ryan Raburn is manning 2nd base for the Tigers.

Ryan Raburn

Raburn (thinking to himself while playing with a dandelion): Man, infield is tough. Usually when I’m on dirt, I either strike out or do something really embarrassing in the outfield.

The crack of the bat startles Raburn, as Pierzynski doubles down the line in left. Raburn meets Pierzynski at 2nd base.

AJ Pierzynski

Raburn: Hey man, nice hit! That one went farther than all of mine this year put together!

Pierzynski: Umm… cool man. *Snickers*

Raburn: Yeah, maybe one day I’ll be able to hit like a big leaguer. Oh well.

Pierzynski: Yeah, maybe. Good luck with that. *Snickers again*

Long, awkward pause. Raburn stares at Pierzynski with awe the entire time.

Pierzynski: Hey man, you at least have your defense to fall back on, right?

Raburn pauses to think…

Raburn fail

Raburn (sadly): Umm… yeah I guess so.

Meanwhile, Jhonny Peralta runs up next to Raburn with a huge grin on his face.

Jhonny Peralta

Peralta: Hey mhan! Hwhat are hyou guhys dohing?

Pierzynski (quietly, to Raburn): Uhhh, what did he say?

Raburn (back to Pierzynski): Don’t worry, he just throws random h’s into his sentences everywhere. Just keep your distance or he might drool on you. (to Peralta) Hey Jhonny.

Peralta: Nice hhit AJhay, you ahlmost dhoing as hwell as mhe this hyear.

Pierzynski: Umm, thanks? (to Raburn) I’m still not 100% sure I know what he’s saying. Did he ask me for some hummus?

Peralta (continuing): That’s ghood man. I’m rheady to get to bhat again, ghotta hit hhome rhun.

Raburn (back to Pierzynski): I don’t think so. He’s got some strange eating habits sometimes though.

Pierzynski (to Raburn): Gotcha.

Peralta (continuing, ignoring the other two): Hleyland and Hlamont gonna lhike home rhun, gonna lhike it halot.

Pierzynski (to Raburn): Dude, he’s seriously freaking me out.

Raburn: Yeah, I know but at he’s hitting well so we have to play him.

Pierzynski: Oh, so why are you in? *Laughs*

Raburn: …

Peralta (rambling): Then, hafter the ghame I heat Hwendys. I lhoooove the Hwendys.


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