Soccer sucks, right? Not when the USA is making the rest of the world its bitch. You can add soccer player Clint Dempsey to the list of Americans who have told the British where to stick their tea and biscuits. Dempsey joined the likes of Patrick Henry, Jack English, and Billy Bob Thornton (we’re assuming) today when he became the first American to score a hat trick in English soccer history.
And to prove that women can do everything that men can do (except drink Dr. Pepper), the women’s national team beat the Dominican Republic 14-0 last night. 14-0. In soccer. If that wasn’t enough AMERICA, FUCK YEAH for you, forward Abby Wambach’s quote after the game shows that this team means business.
“We want to win our group stage. And in order to win our group stage, it might come down to goal differential, so we needed to take care of business.”
Jonas Jerebko, please translate for the masses.
We now return you to Pistons basketball, which still sucks.