Calvin Johnson retires

Detroit4lyfe heard from its reliable and never wrong anonymous sources weeks ago after Megatron released that statement at the request of the Lions that his mind was already made up and he was for sure, without a doubt retiring and already at peace with the decision, but we decided to sit on it (Manetti), hoping/praying that the Lions could talk him out of it (and because we didn’t want to step on Mort’s toes). Now we’re all just sad. Sad like we normally are on Sundays, but without a superstar player for whom we can look forward to cheering on a weekly basis. Insert the saddest music and best comfort whiskey you can think of here.

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