Hello, Colts fans. The key to football is to score more points than the other guys.
I know this and you know this, but our friends in the media need something to talk about in order to justify their jobs. Earlier this summer, a certain baseball announcer acknowledged to me that yes, I was right, the team really does just need to score more than the other guys. Yet each time a game rolls around, there he is giving us keys to the game that never include the bit about scoring.
As he is a highly-compensated professional, I figure that the creation of keys that turn no locks must be a growth industry. So now, it’s my turn.
Welcome to Why The Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys
Who: The lowly Indianapolis Colts vs. The Bye Week.
What: Week 10 of the 2016 NFL season.
Where: Bye Stadium. Joe, Montana.
When: 4:25 PM Eastern, Sunday, November 13. TV: FOX. Only available in certain spots of your imagination.
Why the Colts will score more than the other guys:
1. Marcus sez…
Marcus had this to say about the bye week:
“Bye weeks are soft. Bye weeks don’t have grit. Bye weeks have never had to keep grinding or keep chopping or keep the blinders on.”
“Plus, nobody expects the bye to lose. It’s us against the WORLD.”
Then he starts to talk a little trash:
“The bye week is a rolling ball of sissies. A rolling ball of plastic knives. The bye week is not a game wrecker. The bye week is not ‘champing’ at the bit to get out there and hit someone.”
If it were me, I wouldn’t talk trash about the greatest team in NFL history. I mean, check the stats. Stats don’t lie, y’all. 0 points allowed. 0 yards allowed. 0 everything. Pagano and his gritty sissies can just take this “L” and go home. It’s over. Hello, 4-6.
2. But seriously folks..
It’s the bye week. Go say hello to the spouse or significant other you’ve been ignoring since September. Re-introduce yourself to your kids. Go hug your neighbor. Just kidding, don’t do that. Do, however, blow leaves from your yard into theirs. Paint that bathroom you’ve been meaning to paint for 6 months now (*guiltily raises hand*). Go dancing. Go for a drive. Enjoy the warmer than normal weather we’ve been having here in Indiana by walking through downtown Indy wearing only a Speedo. Just kidding, don’t do that either. Do, however, dive into the canal. Whatever it is, enjoy it. Be you. Love life.
4-6 can wait until next week.
See you then.