2. That Face You Make When A Fart Is Actually A Turd. BRUINS LOSE.

2. That Face You Make When A Fart Is Actually A Turd. BRUINS LOSE.


2. That Face You Make When A Fart Is Actually A Turd. BRUINS LOSE.


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Pez Says: Please excuse any spelling mistakes. I’ve spent three hours watching and writing about hockey and the wife needs me. Also, you know I can’t spell. 

Good Lord.

Jesus Christ.

That game was downright awful to watch. What a boring two and a half hours on a Columbus Day where I could, literally, be doing anything else. You want to know how fucking awful this game has been? Halfway through the second period, I put Stardew Valley on my Switch and just ended up listening to the game.

You can take that as I’m not a real, dedicated fan or you can take it as this game was pretty bad, pretty boring and the Bruins pulled a 2013-2014 matinee Bruins.

This team didn’t show up from the jump. I don’t really know if I can use the term jump because the Bruins had no jump. Their legs looked dead, which is strange considering they haven’t a hockey game since Thursday.

They looked out of sort, discombobulated and confused. Colorado, on paper, isn’t a team that should do that to you. Like Varlamov played extremely well, the Bruins did a very good job of looking like a D-level team who rolled out of Hockeytown.

These games are going to happen and I’m not going to sit here and tell you the Bruins season is over. What I am going to tell you is this type of game is what I thought was going to happen when Bergeron, Backes and Krug were out of the lineup on Thursday against Nashville.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the 1,300+ words I had on Thursday because this game took all the piss out of me. Wait, that sounds wrong.

Frank Vatrano

Frank Vatrano seemed to be all over the place in this game, which is a good thing. Everyone knows that Vatrano has a wicked release and below the dots is one of the best, pure shooters on the Bruins. Everyone also knows that Vatrano’s defense has more holes in it than the backside of my underwear and is just as shitty.

It led some to question if Vatrano would actually make the lines or be placed as the 13th forward. That’s how bad his defense was last season. It seems Franky V has taken these criticisms to heart (probably not, just pumping my tires) and has started to work on his defensive game.

Vatrano did a good job tonight making sure that he was defensively aware while also putting pucks on the net. Every time the Bruins got a scoring chance it seemed to come on the end of Vatrano’s stick with Czarnik and Beleskey coming in right behind him.

If there’s one positive from this game, it is that the Bruins could have a third line that could really take it to third pairing defensemen.

No Doubt’s Tragic Kingdom 

I got to admit something to you guys. I’ve fallen back in love with this album. My friend Jay put it wonderfully, “Your biggest problem was falling out of love with it.”. Don’t Speak originally popped up on my Spotify “Through the Years” playlist or some shit like that. Basically it’s one of those playlists that Spotify makes based on what you listen to.

So I gave Don’t Speak a listen and I remembered how No Doubt actually kicked major fucking ass. I started listening through Tragic Kingdom again and Jesus Christ you guys – what an album. It’s doesn’t seem like it’s incredibly 1995.

If you get a chance, listen (or hopefully re-listen) to Tragic Kingdom. It’s banger after banger. Excuse Me Mr. is quickly becoming a favorite of mine.

God, I love ska punk sometimes!

Tuukka Rask 

Not a great day for Tuukka Rask. Outside of the second goal, which can be directly faulted to CHarlie McAvoy, Rask had two goals that I’m sure he’d love to take back. The first goal bounced off of the top of his trapper and trickled it.

You ever see the movies, I think the Mighty Ducks did it, where the puck moves in slow motion and someone yells “Nooooooooooooo!” while it trickles across the line? That was the first goal.

The third goal.

Just watch:

I don’t know what the fuck Rask was thinking, but coming that far out of the net with Yakupov coming down on him was a horrible decision. It’s a 75/25% play that he gets the puck chipped away with 25% being generous that it actually happens.

We’re not talking about a guy like Vladimir Tarasenko coming down the wing either. We’re talking about Nail fucking Yakupov.

[insert Allen Iverson practice gif]

If it were Tarasenko, or hell even Matt Duchene, I can hear your arguments about why you’d try to come out and poke that away. Facing either of those guys in a 1-on-1 breakaway isn’t ideal. But Yak? 40 games and 8 goals in 2016-2017 Yak?

Make better fucking decisions Tuukka.

Everyone Else Who Wasn’t The Third Line

It was a really bad day for the Bruins. No one seemed to be in sync other than Beleskey-Czarnik-Vatrano. Ryan Spooner looked like 2016-2017 Ryan Spooner.

I really got nothing else. Play Stardew Valley.

It’s unknown which Bruins’ team this ultimately is, but I would say it’s the spawn of Thursday night’s Bruins’ team and today’s Bruins’ team. The kids are going to have their issues, we already know this and we saw it on the first goal when Charlie McAvoy made a bad pinch.

What we aren’t really expecting was Marchand and Pastrnak looking so – like everyone else – on days like today. We’re used to both playing out their trees for 80+ that when they have a game that would make a normal player look like a rockstar, we slag it off as a bad game. That says something to how hard these guys work.

What the Bruins desperately need is Patrice Bergeron. Bergeron has always been the guy who makes the car drive. He’s the engine and without the engine, nothing else seems to work correctly. He took practice yesterday (Saturday) but was still in a red no-contact jersey. It could be days or weeks before Bergeron suits up for his first Bruins regular season game in 2017-2018 and Cassidy has already said they’re not going to rush him.

Last unknown: is Colorado really this good? They’re 2-1 and Varlamov has played exceptionally well so far this season. Again, it’s three games but a lot of us thought Colorado would be in the bottom of the league.

Who knows. Who cares. Play Stardew Valley.

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