Start getting pissed off. Not tomorrow. Not next week.
You already know the story (or maybe you don’t because you were still pissing the bed in 1993 like I was) – some no named asshole from the Islanders with eight goals throughout the ENTIRE regular season decided to step up his game and score two goals in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Penguins in 1993, including the series clincher in OT.
It didn’t matter that the Penguins had posted their best season ever in terms of points (119 – which is still a franchise record to this day) and secured the Presidents’ Trophy that year. It didn’t matter that Mario Lemieux returned that season from Hodgkin’s Disease. It didn’t matter that they won the Stanley Cup in 1992. It didn’t matter that they won the Stanley Cup in 1991.
None of that mattered.
All it took was a simple one-time slap shot off the stick of “David Fucking Volek” and past Tom Barrasso in 5:16 of overtime on May 14th, 1993 to tailspin the Penguins into a 17-year championship drought.
Now, obviously a lot has changed since that series in 1993 (namely, the Penguins have gone on to win three more Stanley Cups while the Islanders have only made the playoffs eight times in the past 26 years). But if you ask any rabid Penguins fan that was watching that game 26 years ago, they still remember the sting of it. A 26-year old man from Czechoslovakia (now the Czech Republic) would instantly become Pittsburgh’s version of Boston’s “Bucky Fucking Dent” or “Aaron Fucking Boone.”
So considering there’s been some enough time for wounds to heal, let’s face the reality – in less than a week from now, odds are the Penguins are going to open up the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs against the Islanders. Another best-of-7 series to erase the stench of David Fucking Volek some more (the Pens put the first nail in the coffin in 2013 when they defeated the Islanders in the first round of the playoffs). So in case you need a little hate in your heart to prepare for the inevitable battle, here are a few more reasons why the Islanders (and their fans) suck ass:
- David Fucking Volek.
- Trevor Gillies.
- The Nassau Coliseum (or “The Coli” as the douchebags from Long Island affectionately refer to it as) is a fucking dump.
(it’s been renovated since this picture was taken, but it’s still largely a fucking dump.)
- They play their home games in two different arenas (the Barclays Center also sucks).
- Barry Trotz is now their coach (you know, the guy who said Tom Wilson’s shoulder to the jaw of Zach Aston-Reese last postseason was a “body-on-body” hit).
- Fans threw snakes on the ice at John Taveres last month because he left their shitty franchise last summer to go play for Toronto.
- People from Long Island are assholes.
- Did I mention David Fucking Volek?
So before the puck drops next Wednesday or Thursday night, figure out which Penguins sweater/shirsey to throw on, sync up your radios to the call of Mike Lange, and get ready to drink some beer and kick some ass… looks like we’re all out of I.C. Light.
P.S. – with all do respect to the Robo Penguin, I still have no fucking clue to this day why the Penguins decided it was a good idea to change jerseys (much less THE ENTIRE LOGO) after winning back-to-back Stanley Cups. Maybe the most underrated stupid decision throughout the entire history of the franchise.