As the old adage goes, “gotta lose two games to win the series in six.” Let’s not forget that, folk’s.
Contrary to popular belief, just because the Pens lost game one to the Islanders in overtime doesn’t mean they lost the series. Wild, I know. Which reminds me of another old adage my dad used to say to me time to time while growing up – “GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!” Good times!
We (as in us Penguins fans) have witnessed this team compete in the postseason for 13 consecutive years now. THIRTEEN! If one loss in Round 1 is going to pretzel your brain, maybe it’s time for you to do what my dad used tell me to do.
(editor’s note: I wrote the above words before the game even started.)
It only took
82 games for Mike Sullivan to realize that Jack Johnson sucks one subpar effort by Olli Maatta in the first game of the 2019 Stanley Cup Playoffs for Mike Sullivan to realize that sitting Jack Johnson for the first time all season was somehow a mistake. We can go on and on about how this is a stupid decision (I actually want to but my brain might explode if I do), but let’s not get carried away here.
To add insult to injury (literally), just about a half hour prior to puck drop we learned of this news:
Not ideal! But whatevs. If you’re gonna make a deep run in the playoffs, you’re gonna deal with your fair share of adversity along the way. Why not deal with it now, I guess?
With that said, enter: Blueger, Teddy. Also, there’s absolutely no way in hell the Crosby line can play as bad as they did in game one, can they?
Fuck the Islanders.
By the way, check out this douchebag:
Let’s get to it.
Just like in game one, the Islanders brought out their fourth line to face off against Sid and the top line at puck drop. And for the first 20 minutes of play, it worked as they (as in Crosby) were credited with only a single shot on goal.
Sticking with the theme of consistency – Surprise! The ice at Nassau Coliseum still visibly sucked ass at the start of game two forcing both teams to simplify their games and leading to a very shitty first period of play. Which somehow, someway meant Jack Johnson was even worse.
After the Pens successfully killed an Evgeni Malkin high sticking call eight minutes into the period, the Pens were forced to go back on the PK twice in a matter of two minutes and nine seconds as Jack Johnson made his presence felt with back-to-back bonehead penalties of his own.
The good news – the Penguins’ PK unit played fantastic and limited the Islanders to a total of three shots on goal on all three power plays (the third being cut short due to Anders Lee hooking penalty). And while the Penguins weren’t shorthanded, #30 in goal played absolutely lights out.
All in all, legit no idea how the period ended at 0-0 (other than Matt Murray’s play, of course).
After a subpar first period, the Pens came out guns blazing to start the second and looked poised to take the lead. However, just as the momentum started to swing Pittsburgh’s direction, Crosby and Gudbranson would take minor penalties a minute apart leading to a 5-on-3 opportunity for the Isles. And unlike the first period, the Isles found a way to muster up four shots on Murray, but the PK would stand tall and kill it mercifully.
PIT -10:36 – Gudbranson; A – Malkin – 1-0
A few minutes later, the Pens would regain control of play and eventually get on the board.
As the second line of ZAR – Geno – Horny entered the zone, all five Islanders tried clogging the ice per usual like a bunch of bloodsucking leeches leaving Erik Gudbranson all alone at the top of the point to blast an absolute fucking missile past Robin “neck tat” Lehner.
If that’s not utilizing all of his 6’5″ 217 pound frame to put ass into a shot, I don’t know what is. Good to see the big man get rewarded with his first goal in black and gold.
NYI -13:25 – Beauvillier; A – Barzal, Eberle – 1-1
But before you could reach your hand down your pants to scratch your nutsack, the party shifted.
In between shifts, Anthony Beauvillier found Mathew Barzal blazing to the net for a quick 2-on-1 opportunity, which ultimately led to Beauvillier picking up the garbage in front of the net and tying the ball game up at one.
An all out melee would ensue afterwards as Pettersson took a liberty at Barzal crashing into the boards. But instead of me explaining what happened to you in words, please watch this fantastic video courtesy of my hero, Bob Pompeani, filming his tv.
Incredible analysis (and filmmaking) as usual. Gotta love Pomp. #PompinAintEasy
As for the rest of the period, let’s just be glad the Penguins’ defense didn’t give Matt Murray’s mom a stroke.
3-1 Islanders. Ball Game.
- Other than maybe the Eberle goal in the 3rd period (which we will not show for propaganda reasons), Matt Murray played his fucking ass off tonight. 31 saves on 34 shots against with a ton of stops in the high danger zones (according to Natural Stat Trick, probably).
- Another positive takeaway from tonight’s shitshow – the Pens’ penalty kill unit. The Pens killed 5 of 6 Islanders’ power plays, including limiting them to just 7 SOG. Although I think we can all agree we’d rather see less of the PK.
- Speaking of penalties, I’m not typically a big blame the refs kinda guy, but the zebras were absolutely fucking terrible tonight. Anyone with half a brain can look at the box score and come up with that same sentiment after seeing the penalties dispersed 8-4 in favor of the Islanders, but to witness the Islanders almost blatantly interfere with the Penguins every single time they enter the zone is another thing. Tonight was like watching hockey from 1997. Absolutely brutal.
- Jack Johnson still sucks.
- Everybody please blame Geoff for this loss. Thanks.
Looking forward to game 3 on Sunday at high fucking noon.