Why The Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys - Titans Edition

Why The Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys - Titans Edition


Why The Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys - Titans Edition


Who: The Tennessee Titans vs. the Indianapolis Colts

What: Week 13 of the 2019 NFL season.

Where: Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, IN.

When: 1 PM Eastern, Sunday, Because of my schedule, this article takes several days to finish. Right now I’m doing what I call the “pregame” stuff, which is where I write the basics before I get aggravated and wring my hands before finally being able to finish. We don’t get word on which broadcast crews will call which game until Wednesday, but here on Sunday night I’m going to say this feels like a game CBS will assign to Greg Gumbel and the oft-concussed Trent Green.


It’s Thanksgiving for 30 more minutes. It’s been a good day. I just checked, and I was wrong. Instead of Gumbel and the oft-concussed Green, we’re getting Kevin Harlan and Rich Gannon. I can’t complain.

Since it’s Thanksgiving, let me pause for a bit to reflect. It’s been a strange year. Not a bad one, but we always want better, right? I need to do better. I want better. I deserve better. There needs to be change. I’m well aware change is seldom achieved instantaneously, but I have a plan. Gratification delayed is not gratification denied. I’m ready.

I’m so thankful for those who truly support me and have my back. Those people are hard to find. I’m also thankful for you, the people who read this (mostly) nonsense.

Yes, you. Thank you.

Alright, now wipe your tears.

Why the Colts will score more than the other guys:

1. Luck

No, no, no, not that guy. As John “Ozzy” Osbourne once sang, “I’m living with something. That just isn’t fair.”

While I was watching the Cowgirls crap the bed against the Patriots (to be fair, they were playing 11 against 18 out there), CBS flashed a graphic showing the updated AFC playoff scenarios. The Colts were 8th. 8th behind two teams they’ve lost to, and a Bills team they won’t face who has a better conference record. They’re literally less than 10 points from having a multi-game lead in the division, but are going to need some serious help to make the playoffs. Sigh.

I really don’t need to say it, but this is a huge, huge game.

And it’s gonna go down a little somethin’ like this…

It’s a defensive struggle, because the offenses of both teams flat out stink your typically ugly contest between these two. The first half ends with the Titans holding a 10-3 lead.

The 3rd quarter is even uglier than the first half, although Vinatieri trims the deficit to 4 on a 44 yard kick with 10 minutes left.

Tennessee counters four and a half minutes into the 4th on a 30 yard kick by Ryan Succop.

As the offensive futility continues, the natives grow restless. When the team announced it wanted a “white out” for the game, no one expected the team to take it literally. This is bad.

With 2:59 all that is separating the Colts from a virtual season killing loss, the offense finally shows some signs of life. The big play comes on 4th and 2 from the Titans 44, when Brisket hits Mo Allie-Cox on a 2.5 yard gain to keep the drive alive. Replay shows Zach Pascal is 20 yards in the clear along the left sideline, but whatever.

With 1:01 and facing a 3rd and goal from the 1, Brisket uses the last timeout to discuss which open receiver he won’t throw to talk things over, when suddenly Reich has an idea. Brisket gives Reich the Cam Newton head nod, as if to say “I’ve got this.” But what is “this”?

Brisket lines up in the shotgun, with receivers he’ll ignore to the left and to the right, and Big Q as fullback. He takes the snap and.,,it looks like the ball is on the ground. Ball on the ground, ball on the ground. Lookin’ like a fool with the ball on the ground. It is, but it’s the fumblerooskie! Big Q picks up the ball, heads left and barrels into the end zone. Touchdown!

Eschewing his planned TD celebration, Nelson runs to the back of the end zone, where he’s greeted by a disheveled looking man with a full beard, and wearing a (Stanford) Cardinal-red hoodie and sweatpants. The man produces what appears to be two 16 oz. aluminum Bud Light bottles, the tops are popped, and the two men guzzle away. Stadium security suddenly descends upon the disheveled man, but he uses his empty bottle as a weapon and races down the tunnel, never to be seen again. When asked about the celebration afterwards, Nelson tells the Indy Star “I was just celebrating with that fan, bro. He looks like he gave his heart to this team.” He is later cited by IMPD for public intoxication.

Indy wins the overtime toss and takes possession on their 24. The first six plays are all runs, before Brisket connects with Jack Doyle on 3rd down for a 20 yard gain to the Titans 16.

After a first down run nets nothing, the next is a screen pass to Nyheim Hines. Hines is headed for the end zone…he dives, he’s spun around in the air…he’s upside down, but sticks the ball on the pylon.

Touchdown! Colts win!

(Bless you, Vick Ballard, wherever you may be)

2. The DAC

My man DAC lives right in the heart of Titans territory. I can’t spill his identity, but he’s Indiana born and bred, and spends the majority of his time helping people in the greater Nashvegas area.

This is what he had to say: “The Titans have Ryan Tannehill and Derrick Henry and they scored points against a rolled over Jaguars team, and nobody else.” He’s right, and I get it, but I know he would’ve really rolled out the trash talk if he’d realized that’s really what I was asking for. I suspect his coworkers will get the trash talk come Monday.

Jess? She had nothing. This is what happens when A) you root for the Bears, and B) it’s the beginning of the Christmas shopping season and you’re stuck in hell. I just hope she hasn’t thrown away my Gloria beer.

QC? I have an acronym for that: FOH.

3) Allie J

This is a big game, and we need all of the extra mojo we can get, right? Flush off another devastating win by her Buckeyes over Missagain, she’s primed to bring the Colts good luck.



Colts 19, Titans 13

















More Sports


So let’s do a little comparison: 162 game averages for Player A: 20 HR, 77 RBI, .256 AVG, .309 OBP, .436 SLG, .745 OPS 162 game averages (…)

More Colts