Penguins (27-13-3) vs. Sabres (11-25-7)
KeyBank Center | Buffalo, NY
Saturday, April 17 | 3:00pm Eastern
Welcome back to weekend gameday. The gameday that has to write two fucking blogs about buffalo for some reason and not even the cool animal, but the shithole in ny.
It’s hard to know what to write about the Buffalo Sabres that hasn’t already been said. They are very bad at hockey and don’t seem interested in getting better at hockey. This is compounded with being in Buffalo which is a bad place that came in dead last in the Rez Patreon (link in bio) best cities poll 3 years in a row and counting.
If you google image search “Buffalo, NY” this is 3rd result:
They do not even want anyone to know they exist. This guy is wearing a helmet most likely because he is afraid of the many gangs of small children who pelt citizens with rocks. Buffalo is lost to a bygone time.
Weekend gameday has decided, and we take no joy in this, that we must move the Sabres. Here are some locations that would be preferable over the city of Buffalo, NY and its sewer people.
Pros: Elvis was born here. No one will care about the Sabres and this will be good for the Sabres because then they can just continue to be themselves.
Cons: A shitty Van Morrison song that makes no sense.
Pros: the Buffalo of California
Cons: the Buffalo of California
Pros: Already 2 teams in Florida so they can keep a low profile. Also plenty of opportunities to do crimes to help supplement lower paid players incomes, like a signing bonus sorta.
Cons: Urban Meyer lives there now.
Guentzel – Crosby – Rust
McCann – Carter – Zucker
Aston-Reese – Blueger – Rodrigues
Zohorna – Jankowski – Sceviour
Dumoulin – Letang
Matheson – Ceci
Pettersson – Marino
Pens should win by at least 12 goals. Please use the hashtag #MovetheSabres but please be sure to credit me and my patreon (link in bio) directly when you do or you will be hearing from my lawyer JW Goldmann.