Great news! Evgeni Malkin made his return to the lineup after missing 23-games with a lower-body injury.
Bad news! This game sucked.
The Pens dropped a stinker and it was immensely painful to watch.
Instead of doom and gloom (there shouldn’t be any), we’re dedicating this ‘cap to our least favorite Penguins of all time.
If you are looking for anything other than that, and a list of the game’s goal scorers, this ain’t the ‘cap for you.
(Brief, and I mean brief, game coverage below the shenanigans).
Because the Penguins were down 4-0 during the second intermission, I asked the people of Twitter:
Who’s your least favorite Penguin of all-time? (aside from Jack Johnson)
Though we still got two Jack Johnson votes (I salute your commitment, comrades), we got a great variety of responses.
Let’s take a look.
True story, Marty McSorley is the only Penguin I've ever booed.
— Eric Majeski (@LGP_netwolf) May 4, 2021
— Dany (@based_otter) May 4, 2021
*Laughs wearing Trevor Daley’s Stanley Cup Rings*
— Patrick Damp #WeMakeKDKA (@SynonymForWet) May 4, 2021
The most popular response.
Rob Scuderi (2nd tenure)
— Joe 🇺🇸 (@pucks_and_pols) May 4, 2021
I really appreciate the effort that went into this one.
— Nathan Lewandowski (@Lewie_15) May 4, 2021
Ya just knew one of these would slip in.
Put some respect on The Corsi God.
— matt (@yinzzzerr) May 4, 2021
I’ve never met Matt (the Tweeter, not the player), but I know he’s a homie because this would’ve been my choice as well.
His time in Pittsburgh was short but he was a legitimate dumpster fire.
Defensive IQ of a squirrel.
to avoid just getting on a guy for being a bad 4th liner who got played too much, gotta be brassard
— JFresh (@JFreshHockey) May 4, 2021
There was also quite a bit of (deserved) disdain for Derick Brassard.
Talk about a dude that not only failed to come close to expectations, but acted like an immature brat in the process.
— Justin (@_best_smart) May 4, 2021
Plotnikov was just misunderstood ok?
I just can't, still Jack Johnson.
— Benjamin Hill (@greenbooknotes) May 4, 2021
Had to slip one in here.
I’m with you, Benjamin.
Conor Sheary and it's not even close.
— 'Tis What iTis (@instagrattan) May 4, 2021
Sheary was a pretty polarizing player amongst Pens fans.
While I recognize his marginal on-ice value, even away from Crosby, he was just maddening to watch.
I was quite happy when he was shipped to Buffalo with Hunwick.
— Jeffro (@JeffreyJativa) May 4, 2021
Found Pens Chronicles’ burner.
— you think youre a f*cking sheriff? (@_tanev13) May 4, 2021
I was surprised to only see Neal’s name pop up once.
He was still a legit talent at the end of his tenure with the Pens, but he played like a scumbag and wore out his welcome.
— Cam (@NotThatFehr) May 4, 2021
Antti Niemi was the price we paid for back-to-back Cups.
— ck (@404ResponseCode) May 4, 2021
I’ve only heard this guy referenced in passing, but a quick Google image search justifies this one from CK:
Derrick Pouliot comes to mind, when the trade happened I screamed for #LetsGoPens to take Filip Forsberg, could you imagine him with Malkin or Crosby??? But nope another d man and then again with Maatta 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
— Dominic Hung (@DomHung_604) May 4, 2021
Also very surprising to see Pouliot’s name pop up just once.
Dominic hasn’t forgotten what could have been.
— Claimer of Jack Johnson (@Bubblezdapirate) May 4, 2021
Who could forget about this plug?
— Pens hockey is BACK !!!!! (@TyleZo) May 4, 2021
Aside from Adams, Cooke was the most frequently mentioned player.
It might’ve been my youthful foolishness, but he seemed like a genuinely good dude off the ice.
On the ice, he was a cheap shottin’ P.O.S.
Konstantin Koltsov drove me crazy
— Travis Holman (@HolmanTravis) May 4, 2021
craig adams is correct but too many of those here. never really cared for chris tamer either.
— geoff (@geoffwithano) May 4, 2021
Never heard of this Tamer cat, but he looks like the typical “can’t skate and slashes the shit out of you” guy from the 90s:
Simon Despres just frustrated me for some reason
— Luke Hamilton (@luke2hamilton) May 4, 2021
Despres underwhelmed by my memory, but a look back at his on-ice impacts tells me he really wasn’t that bad, he just wasn’t what we expected him to be.
He might’ve been ahead of his time.
— Crystal (@tanger4norris) May 4, 2021
Quite a few Downie responses as well.
He racked up 238 PIMS in his lone season with the Penguins, a career high.
— Hunter (@HunterHodies) May 4, 2021
Hunter rounds us out with another great answer.
Zach Sill and Kevin Porter come to mind when I think of offensive black holes, among other players listed above.
I appreciate the thoughtful responses from everyone.
Bit of an oddball recap but if you’ve made it this far I’m assuming you enjoyed it.
No reason to sit and over analyze that ridiculous performance. They’re back at it tomorrow.
PHI GOAL – Hayes (12) 1-0 PHI
PHI PP GOAL – Gostisbehere (9) 2-0 PHI
PHI GOAL – Giroux (15) 3-0 PHI
PHI GOAL – Allison (2) 4-0 PHI
PIT PP GOAL – Crosby (21) A: Letang, Malkin 4-1 PHI
PIT PP GOAL – Zucker (8) A: Marino, Kapanen 4-2 PHI
PHI GOAL – Farabee (17) 5-2 PHI
PHI GOAL – Giroux (16) 6-2 PHI
PHI GOAL – Hagg (2) 7-2 PHI
FINAL: 7-2 PHI
- If you are seething from this game, stop it. The game sucked. So be it. There’s another one tomorrow. Don’t let the outcome of your sports teams dictate your life. Smile. Appreciate the little things. Appreciate the big things.
Thanks for reading! Let’s talk hockey on Twitter. Follow me @shireyirving.