Marmaduke and Zenyatta

So it seems that the Mets have told SNY to be ready at Citi Field for a news conference on Tuesday.  In other words, they’ve reserved the dance hall … now all they need is a date to the prom.

By the time the Mets have announced their new manager on Tuesday, they probably will have missed out on a great opportunity.  No, not in who they hire, but the way they make the announcement.  Think about it, we’ve already had The Decision. The Mets can make that circus look like Meet the Press if they turn this announcement, which is a dog and pony show anyway, into a show that involves a bigger dog and a bigger pony.  a wolf and a stallion, perhaps. Or Marmaduke and Zenyatta.

Now we know what’s going to happen.  They’ll make the announcement on Tuesday after news of who the manager will be will have already been leaked on Twitter, probably some time Friday, or Saturday morning (my guess is Jon Heyman, which would make him two for two).  Hell, the news might have already been leaked. And then the manager shows up with the jersey, answers a few questions about either a previous DUI or what he can do to dispel the notion that he’s milquetoast, and then goes to the Citi Field sky box to take pretty pictures.

Boooooooor-iiiiiiiiing.

Let’s throw some pizazz into this. Have the new manager come out in one of those Jabberwockee masks, do a dance with the real dance troupe, and then have Sandy Alderson rip the mask off to reveal his true identity. Or make it like National Signing Day, and have Sandy Alderson choose a hat out of four with each candidate’s face on it.  Or … or, make it like To Tell The Truth.  Have the four men sit at a desk and have a public address announcer say “will the real Mets manager, please … stand up.”

Wait, I got it.

You know how the NHL All-Star game is going to be a fantasy draft?  Okay, hear me out.  You use Tuesday to announce the final two candidates. Let’s say Backman and Melvin.  Have them conduct a fantasy draft with everybody in the organization. And then next week, go to Miami, sell tickets (more Mets fans than Marlins fans in Miami anyway), and have the two managers play a game with their squads. Winner manages the Mets.  It’s brilliant!  You want to see how these managers manage in tight spots?  Let’s see ’em manage for their livelihood.  It doesn’t get more pressure packed than that.

And let’s challenge them. Let’s have a rule that Oliver Perez must throw at least 40 pitches for each team. Since nobody in their right mind would draft him anyway, make these managers use strategy in the face of adversity.  Throw him in the first and get him out of the way?  Or wait until the end of the game and hope you’re up by 11 runs?  What do you do?

It’s genius, I tell you. (And you wonder why I never get anywhere in life.)