Bobby Parnell was credited with the save in Saturday's 5-4 win over the Philadelphia Taliban. I wouldn't quite say that Parnell "earned" the save … and not just because he gave us all a Francisco Rodriguez style heart attack in the ninth. Gonzalez Germen, yes that Gonzalez Germen, saved the Mets in the fifth when he took over for a laboring Zack Wheeler with the bases loaded and Delmon Young at the plate and proceeded to make Delmon look bad doing the one thing he does well on a baseball field: hit. That, my friends, is a save in its most literal definition, not how baseball defines it.
And that's not even getting into the fact that it was Gonzalez Germen who got the biggest out of the game. And then four more outs … without giving up any runs. Gonzalez Germen! (And his middle name is German so he's actually Gonzalez German Germen.) Boy, Cole Hamels must be furious. Twelve losses, and now one of them is against Gonzalez German Germen. This is good, because as you know a furious Cole Hamels is a … well, he's still a giant douchebag who has nobody to blame but himself. And his sweat glands:
"Sometimes your body just perspires in a different way and you try to control it and it doesn't work as easily as it did in the past. So you just have to go out and hope it doesn't really affect as much as it did." -Cole Hamels
So we've learned that Cole Hamels perspires counter-clockwise. Or through his eyes. Or he perspires shaving cream. Or blood. Which all sounds painful, but not too painful for that idiot and his 12 losses. May he choke on his sweat.
But let's turn it back to the positives of Saturday, not the least of which was that thanks to Keith Hernandez, I learned a new word. As he discussed his burger eating contest which the winner ate 17 burgers in five minutes (disgusting), Keith clarified that the burgers contained no toppings. But instead of just saying toppings, Keith dropped the $5 word on us: accoutrements.
Accoutrements: Additional items of dress or equipment, carried or worn by a person or used for a particular activity.
When asked to use that in a sentence, try the following: "The Mets had better get David Wright and Matt Harvey some accoutrements next season." Of course, the Wilpons will probably take that to mean that Wright and Harvey should have some finger tentacles or something.
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