Beginning The Navigation Of Seasonal Land Mines

Let the games begin.

And let the fear wash over you. See, as much as I get excited for baseball season, I also fear the inevitable mini-disasters that befall our baseball team every season. Case in point, I turn on SNY and Keith Hernandez starts talking about Curtis Granderson. They roll out some footage (which I have learned that in the business, they call it "b-roll") of Granderson. The first part of this so called "b-roll" is of Granderson in the parking lot on his way to work. First thought in my mind as I see this?

"Oh my God, he's going to get hit by a car."

Seriously … that's my thought. It's conditioned now. Five years of some of the worst seasons in Mets history filled with various events like "ballplayers flying with concussions", "arrests in the family room", and my favorite: "Oliver Perez" have conditioned me to not only think the worst possible outcome, but that SNY would actually leave it in the opening montage of the baseball season. "Well the Mets opened up the bank and signed Curtis Granderson and … LOOK OUT CURTIS! Errrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh CRASH!!!"

You've had those thoughts too, and the sooner you admit it to yourself the better off you'll be. Proof: What did you think when Wilfredo Tovar pulled up lame running out a single on Friday? Did you think "oh, he'll be fine after a day of rest"? No, liar. You thought "here we go again" didn't you? Admit it!!! Well, joke's on you … because Tovar is, in fact, going to be just fine. You have problems, obviously. Seek help now.

But the big thing that we will all over analyze is Ike Davis' home run in the fifth which went one hop into parking lot and crashed through the window of a moving car before it could strike Curtis Granderson and tear his MCL. This is an actual conversation that happened after the home run:

Friend: "You know, Bob (we'll call him Bob) is already writing off Ike Davis after his first at-bat."

Me: "Well, you know Ike hit a home run in the fifth, right?"

Friend: "He did? Oh I gotta tell Bob!"

At which point Bob says "He's still done. He still wiggles the bat and he'll never get rid of that hitch."

This is the conditioning at work. Can you blame Bob? Bob is waiting for Ike to run around on the warning track and step on a land mine and vaporize instantly. But hey, it would solve the "too many first baseman" problem very quickly, wouldn't it?

Oh, and hey! The Mets lost. That's not a good start for the team if they're counting spring training games to reach that magical 90 victory total. But at least nobody was run over by a car. Welcome to spring training.