Just Give Me a Cool Drink of Water And Some Box Frites ‘fore I Diiie

I should have seen this coming.

When there were rumblings of a pointless shakeup for the new Mets radio team after the move from WFAN to WOR, it was later revealed that the driving force behind the sacrilege was Metropolitan C.O.O. Jeff “Golden Sperm” Wilpon. Now, in the aftermath of the Mets’ firing of hitting coach and sycophancy advocate Dave Hudgens, we have found the fingerprints. And guess what … they match:

During Monday’s disappointing 5-3 loss at home to the Pirates, Jeff Wilpon sent Alderson an angry text, and followed it up with an angry call. Then, after the game, they had an angry meeting. But at that meeting, according to a knowledgeable source, Wilpon did something new: He overruled his general manager on a baseball matter, ordering him to fire hitting coach Dave Hudgens, a longtime Alderson friend and colleague.

Let’s be real about this: the Mets aren’t losing Charlie Lau or Walt Hriniak or Ted Williams on the bench. I for one actually think Hudgens’ approach in general is a huge improvement over Snoop Manuel’s ridiculous 80 pitch drills which turned everyone into a slap hitter, or Howard Johnson having everybody swing for the downs. Hudgens at least encouraged players to go with the pitch either way and not pigeon hole players into a certain hitting style. Now having everybody take pitches for the sake of taking pitches is another matter but at least Hudgens’ general approach was better than his predecessors. However, Hudgens wasn’t getting the results and when you don’t get results, you’re a casualty. Simple as that.

Regardless of whether Hudgens had to go or not, the fact that it was the little Princeling that stomped his feet and threw a tantrum until he got what he wanted is disturbing and sickening. But it’s really nothing new when you go back in history and remember that it was Jeff Wilpon who ordered the Scott Kazmir trade. Jeffy, whose baseball acumen consists of having a father who owns a baseball team and nothing else, has meddled constantly in baseball affairs. So forgive me for thinking that firing the hitting coach of a team next to last in the league in OPS is some significant stroke of genius that Maggie the Monkey couldn’t have figured out.

But it’s the angry texts and the foot stomping and the “I want it and I want it now” attitude that is most disgusting. Baseball fans talk all the time about when Terry Collins makes a stupid move and somehow it works out … they call it “bad process good result”. Maybe Lamar Johnson snaps this lineup out of it and the hits come in bunches. It doesn’t matter. Because now that Golden Sperm has overruled Sandy Alderson on a baseball matter, expect it to happen again and again until Alderson quits. And make no mistake about it, that’s what we’re headed towards. Alderson isn’t getting fired. He won’t even stick around long enough to be offered the “mutual decision” option. He’s either going to walk away at the end of his contract this October with no interest in returning to this corporate clusterfunk, or he’s going to quit with a month left to prove his point and send a big middle finger to the princeling. And then we’ll be stuck with either J.P. Ricciardi (who did nothing in Toronto), Paul DePodesta (who did nothing in Los Angeles), or start all over again with somebody completely new who will signal an new era, which will be much like all the other new eras that go up in flames. This should scare the ever loving crap out of you.

Speaking of scaring the ever loving crap out of you, what if Jeffy hired himself?

All right, forget all of this for a moment because I want to be joyous for a couple of paragraphs, if you don’t mind. The Mets won their second game in a row since Memorial Day Mayhem on Wednesday. Bartolo Colon had nine strikeouts in his seven and 1/3’s innings of work while throwing 121 pitches. But the best part of the victory was that it was made possible by Monday’s purging. Remember that day, when Terry Collins put in Scott Rice to face Ike Davis instead of leaving Jeurys Familia in? And Clint Hurdle said “checkmate” by putting in Met killer Gaby Sanchez to hit one to the moon and start the complete unraveling of human life? And then Jose Valverde came in and completed the lobotomy of every fan at Citi Field that day?

Well look what happened without the temptation of Valverde to seduce Terry, and look what happened when Terry forgets about lefty/righty nonsense: He put Familia in to face tying run Ike Davis in the eighth instead of getting cute with Rice or insane with Valverde. And guess what? Familia induced a double play to end the threat! See what happens when you give young players a chance to plant their seeds and grow? That’s right, you get flowers. Beautiful flowers that don’t stink.