Monkeying Around Before the Break

It’s time for another edition of Monkeying Around as we get ready for the All-Star break.  And let me tell you, the Rally Monkey really needs those three days off for the All-Star Game so he can do something about this weak ass offense.

Sleep, little monkey, sleep.  Get your rest so the Angel bats can heat up again after the break.

• Is it time for Scott Kazmir to be put on the disabled list with a fake injury yet?  Yes?  Good, I was hoping you’d say that.  May I suggest saying he goes on the 15-day DL with a stomach ulcer?  Not because he actually has one, but because his crappy pitching has given me an ulcer and I’m sure I’m not the only one.  Whenever he pitches, I watch the game with a bowl full of Tums sitting on the coffee table in front of me and they are usually half gone by the start of the fourth inning.
• Explain to me how the Mariners are trapped in the AL West basement but solved their first base problem by trading for proven slugger Russell Branyan, yet the Angels are actually in contention and their idea of making an impact move is calling up Paul “I sure am chubby, but at least I strike out a lot” McAnulty.  Seriously, I’m waiting.  If anyone can offer up one good reason for why this is happening, I am all ears.
• There is a reason no baseball player has ever done what LeBron James is doing tonight with his televised announcement of where he will sign: the Yankees.  Pretty much all big time free agents sign with the Yankees, so there would be no suspense and nobody would watch the TV show because they already know how it will end.  And, yes, this is just me being prematurely bitter that Carl Crawford is going to sign with New York this winter instead of the Angels where he would be an absolutely perfect fit.  Stupid Yankees.
• For anyone still pissed off that Jered Weaver initially got snubbed from the AL All-Star team, let’s just remember that Brian Fuentes was named an All-Star last season.  I think it is fair to say that the Baseball Gods kind of owed the Angels some negative karma for that selection gaffe.
• The Angel offense is in a funk so bad that not even George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic can save them right now and nobody really knows why… except for me.  I blame the World Cup.  My theory is that the Angel clubhouse has World Cup fever and they’ve been so immersed in soccer the last few weeks that they now think that they can win most games by just scoring two or three times, just like in soccer.  Heck, sometimes it even seems like they are just playing for the 0-0 tie so they can try and win the game on penalty kicks.  This is just another reason why soccer sucks.
• The Angels are about to head to Oakland to play the A’s but have been warned of potential riots stemming from the impending verdict from a racially charged case where a cop killed an unarmed man.  Since we are issuing riot warnings, I want to send one out to the Texas Rangers who are visiting Anaheim on July 31st because if the Angels haven’t made a move to add a productive player to this lineup by then, Angel fans are going to burn that mother down.
• GOOD NEWS:  On this exact date last year, the Angels had exactly 46 wins, just like they do today
• BAD NEWS: On this exact date last year, the Angels had exactly 37 losses, but this year they have 42
• WORSE NEWS: On this exact date last year, the Angels trailed the Rangers by one game in the AL West, today they are six back with Texas still yet to play today.
• BETTER NEWS: The sale of the Rangers is now in total disarray with recent rulings by the bankruptcy court, so they aren’t likely to be making any big deals at the trade deadline.