Monkeying Around in the Dog Days of Summer

It is the dog days of summer, especially for the Angels whose season is fading away; so let’s try and get out of these doldrums with some good old fashioned monkeying around.

This is taking it a little bit too literally, I think.

• I don’t care that Peter Bourjos is hitting .135, at least he has made the Angels entertaining to watch again.  Seriously, take Bourjos off the field and this Angel team is more boring than watching my dog lick his butt.  I find myself rooting for balls to be hit to centerfield just so I can see the kid run out there to go and get it.  Sooner or later I hope that his electric play will rub off on the rest of the team and give them a spark, but it hasn’t happened… yet.
• OK, just for the sake of everyone’s sanity, I hereby declare a moratorium on the phrase “if Kendry Morales were healthy.”  I have news for you, Morales isn’t Superman and wasn’t even having that great of a season before he broke his leg in the dumbest way possible; so let’s quit making excuses for this team because of one player.  For the record, the Halos were 24-27 before he got hurt and are 36-32 since.  Think about that one for a little while.
• This thought crossed my mind during the Mark Rzejsnlgns’lkdng (or whatever his name is, I think it is the same as the name of the Icelandic volcano) start the other day, “At least the Angels haven’t been no-hit this season.”  Then again, the Rays have been no-hit twice this year and look to be playoff-bound.  Maybe that is the problem.  Maybe the Angel offense doesn’t suck enough.  Yes, yes, that’s it the Angel hitters need to really suck… suck like a fox.  Wait, that doesn’t sound right.
• Alberto Callaspo isn’t making a great first impression in Anaheim, but I think I see one stat that explains why the Angels liked him enough to trade for him.  Through 72 at-bats as an Angel, Alberto has struck out just three times.  In fact, he has fanned a mere 116 times in 1393 major league at-bats.  That is the kind of high-contact, action player Scioscia loves, and a surefire sign that the team is going to go back to a more small ball attack after a failed season in which they flirted with being a power hitting team.
• Somehow Dan Haren got traded from the cellar-dwelling Arizona Diamondbacks and found himself in an even worse situation.  At least Haren got a little run support in the desert, 4.2 runs per start.  In Anaheim, the Halos have given him a measly 2.8 runs per start.  I’m sure that will even out eventually, it just is a lousy way to make the new guy feel welcome.
• And now for your monthly update in “Jeff Mathis really sucks.”  As of August 15th, Mathis ranks 159th in OPS out of 164 American Leaguers with 125+ plate appearances.  That is all.  You may now return to your regularly scheduled blog reading. (WAIT!  Bonus info!!!  Guess who is at the bottom of the list?  Brandon Wood!!!  Hooray!!!!!)
• Fun fact about Maicer Izturis and how he continues to be Mike Scisoscia’s teacher’s pet: Izturis has gotten a start in every single spot in the batting order this season now.  There simply isn’t an offensive role that Sosh thinks Izturis (and his .680 OPS) is well-suited for.  I’ll let you decide if that was a back-handed compliment or not.
• And finally, the only thing that hurt worse than watching Mark Rumplestiltskin shut down the Angels was that I was flipping back and forth between that game the and the Rangers-Red Sox game in which Texas overcame an 8-2 deficit to win it in extras.  That is supposed to be us!  We’re the one who are supposed to have all the heart and make big comebacks!!  The Rangers are supposed to be the team folding like a cheap tent in August.  This is one crazy mixed up world we live in now and I don’t like it one bit.  Personally, I blame Obama.  I’m not sure why, but Glenn Beck assures me that everything in my life that I don’t like is Obama’s fault.  You have to trust Glenn Beck, he has a blackboard.  Blackboards don’t lie.