The group of Angels fans responsible for “Toriitown,” “Matsuiland,” and “Hamiltown” were at it again in right field Tuesday night, introducing the world to Kole Calhoun’s “CalZone.” While I’m somewhat crestfallen they didn’t go with the “Kole Mine,” which seemed to have some great potential for future giveaways, I respect the coordination that went into the effort, and I’m glad that Calhoun is getting some much-deserved recognition. With Mike Trout on the team, it’s easy to forget just how solid Kole has been the last two-plus years.
The point of this post isn’t to heap effusive praise on Calhoun, though. Mike Hllywa will have that covered later this week. No, this post is about coming up with ridiculous (but kind of earnest?) fan section names for some of the other Angels players. We already have the Trout Farm out in left — a pretty odd/creepy name once you learn what fish farms actually are — leaving 23 potential fan sections to dub for the remainder of the roster. As some names are simply immune to wordplay — looking at you, Giavotella — and others aren’t all that inspiring — sorry, Edgar Ibarra — and also because I don’t have several hours to come up with terrible puns, I’m going to stick to three players: Albert Pujols, David Freese, and Joe Smith.
Albert Pujols
The easiest thing would be to go with Al’s Pals; it’s simple, it rhymes, and it avoids the pitfalls of trying to come up with family-friendly wordplay involving his surname. It’s also derivative of Sal Fasano’s old fan club, though, and the last thing we want to do when undertaking such a goshdarn serious endeavor is be unoriginal. Plus, Albert’s already made it known he’s not a fan of having monikers bestowed on him that are inspired by former players.
So, then, we’re left with Bert’s Yurt. Still simple, still rhymes, and has the added bonus of teaching people about old-school, moveable homes from Central Asia. Win-win! The Angels would probably balk at fans constructing one down the first-base line but, hey, it’s worth a shot. The courage and cunning it’d take to just get all the individual pieces into the stadium would be the stuff of legend.
Honorable Mentions: Pu Corner, Royal Albert Hall, The Machinists
David Freese
As made evident above with Al’s Pals, not all fan clubs need refer to a physical space within the park. Some can focus instead on the player alone, allowing the fan club to migrate all over the place. Like coconuts. This, I think is the best course of action for David Freese’s cohort, which I am dying to call the Absolute Zeros.
It’s science-y, it’s wordplay, and it’s ironic. Basically, it’s perfect for that family member or friend who likes and/or shares every one of George Takei’s Facebook posts. In a perfect world, everyone in the club would have the time and skills necessary to dress up like Lord Coldemort here…
…but matching t-shirts would probably suffice.
Honorable Mentions: The Fro-Zone, The Freeser (h/t @Mike_Hllywa)
Joe Smith
Smith has such a commonplace name, it almost seems necessary to give him an epic fan section behind the bullpen so that people can better understand how badass he is on the mound. We could go with something like the “Average Joe’s” or “Joe’s Schmoes,” but those epithets serve only to accentuate the banality of his name. No, we need something over-the-top to juxtapose his name and do justice to the work he does out of the ‘pen. Something like The Forge. (Coincidentally, this would also work perfectly in tandem with the Kole Mine and The Machinists. Just sayin’.)
Again we have wordplay, and it’s especially appropriate here because you just know Mike Scioscia calls Joe, “Smithy,” whether he likes it or not. We also have the potential for fans to come up with themed gear to wear and wield, which adds a level of danger and intrigue to the bleacher seats typically reserved for earthquakes and series against the Red Sox. What’s not to love?
Honorable Mentions: The Craftsman’s Crew, Lefèvre Pitch(ers), The Latter-Inning Saints
Have any Angels-specific fan section ideas of your own? The more ridiculous the better.
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