My cousins from Chicago are in visiting this weekend. One thing that we normally don’t do is go to the movies. This post was supposed to go up on Friday, but I timestamped the post for today for tomorrow, and decided that I will just put this one up today. Boring explanation you don’t care about? Check.
Before I jump into the top 5 list, let me say this. Shark Week is this week as most of you know. Mike from Card Chronicle mused on twitter that 5% of the people who twitter about shark week don’t watch. I’m one of the people who does watch. And it has been awesome. Ultimate Air Jaws is one of the coolest shows that I have seen. It’s just a great show. Same with the shark attack survival show. The dude who did the surviving is probably clinically insane. I never hope to have a situation where I’m stuck with sharks, and he forced those situations. Say what you want, but those sharks could have gotten him. The Craig Ferguson show was pretty good as well. It’s called shark bites something. I’m not just saying that as a person who dedicated a week to Craigy Ferg clips either. Watch Shark Week while you can folks.
1) Popcorn – The top thing I hate about the movie theaters is popcorn. The smell is awful after about 15 minutes. Popcorn is only good the 3 minutes that it’s hot, and after that, it’s shit. I went to my local cinema to watch the Marquez v. Diaz pay per view extravaganza for $15 bucks instead of the $50 it would have cost to ppv at home. I bought a soda, but was wrapped up in a combo that included popcorn and candy. Since I hadn’t eaten, I thought this was a good idea. The candy and soda, yes, great. The popcorn, not so much. Not only is every size of popcorn obscenely large, but the bottom of the bag is shitty corn. I wouldn’t know though, as I ate maybe half the bag before I had enough. The amount of salt is just crazy. The craziest are the kernels. I hate popcorn kernels. I had them in my teeth a day after. This included multiple brushings and flossings. They just stay hidden in your mouth. And the butter and salty taste stayed too. Such a mistake. Plus, popcorn is fucking outrageous expensive. Which brings me to
2) Ticket Prices – Ticket prices are starting to go crazy. I don’t live in New York or LA, but if I did, I would have been railing against this for years. I love going on opening night to movies, but the prices are starting to cost an arm and an asshole. I went to see Inception with a lady friend of mine (Hi mom!) and it cost over $20. I would almost rather wait and get the movie on dvd. Matinees are nice, and I try to go to them when I can. That leads me to this
3) Going Alone – I don’t mind going to the movies by myself, but I do mind being the only person in the place. Sometimes, I think it’s easier going by myself. If I’m bored, I don’t really like sitting around the house, so I go to the movies. It’s not a case of being antisocial, although it might be. I go during the day sometimes. Everyone works, or has school, or is busy masturbating. Nearly everyone I know seems to have a girlfriend or wife, or job where they work nights. I don’t want to sit around and watch a repeat of Modern Family, I want to watch Toy Story 3. This is all besides the point. I hate being the place alone. Movies are a shared experience, and it’s nice to share. I’ve seen a few movies by my lonesome. I saw Napoleon Dynamite completely alone. It was the first time, and it was weird. I saw Children of Men alone. But those are examples of me going after work, and seeing the 4 or 5 showings. I can’t remember what movie I saw at night alone, but I do remember I pictured the scene from Scream 2 where there was a murder in the theater. No one would have known I was dead.
4) Commercials – I don’t know when this fucking trend started, but I hate it. The theatre in the place I moved from showed about 10 it seemed. The worst was the fucking National Guard commercial with 3 Doors Down singing that horrible, horrible song. It was shit. I went to a new place that showed 2 commercials before Inception. I was really pumped by that. We see fucking commercials before the movie starts, I demand not seeing them before the previews. It’s bad enough we get forced into the always shitty Coke ones.
5) Cell Phones – I think you should have to check your phone at the door. The lights are distracting. Someone always has the ringer on. Someone sitting behind you always sends 100000000 texts. Someone is always on the phone before the show starts, which fucking pisses me off because I never get god damn reception. I swear this part is true. I was at a show and I got a dirty text message. This pissed me off. I’m in the fucking movies. I can’t dirty text back, I’m paying attention to what’s happening. If I don’t respond, the mood is ruined. If I respond and say I’m at the movies, the mood is ruined. If I text dirty back, I miss out on the movie thinking about what to say and look forward to the next one. Even then, I’m at the fucking movies and nothing sexy will happen. I’m not going to Pee Wee Herman it up at the Despicable Me screening. It’s a lose lose lose situation all around. Lose for the girl, lose for you, and lose for the dude sitting behind you reading your texts. Yeah people, this happens because I do it. If you are going to text, I’m going to read it. That’s another reason phones should be checked at the door. Who gives a fuck if your mom calls you? You aren’t going to answer anyway.
That’s it, that’s the list. Posts like this are definitely going to keep me from getting into the blog poll run by the MGoBlog guy. We’ll be back tomorrow with another Big East preview.
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