It’s summer time and the living’s easy.
For right now, anyway.
In just 3 short months, the NFL season will be upon us, and the sunshine will come to a screeching halt in the city where rain is as abundant as coffee beans. Luckily for the Seahawks, they field themselves an impressive and talented team in an unimpressive and untalented division (save for Harbaugh’s boys, of course). That said, Seattle has drawn the NFC North and AFC East as its contestants in 2012, with its oddball games being a tilt with the Carolina Panthers and the Dallas Cowboys.
The Seahawks are going to play some seriously talented dudes this season, and I imagine there will be a lot of fans, coaches, and players who’ll be sleepless in Seattle come September.
Here are the top 10 players that the Seahawks will spend countless hours game-planning against, ranked in ascending, but, paradoxically, numerical, order:
Disclaimer: The Seahawks play against the NFC West’s 3 other teams every year, so I have chosen to omit its players from the list (that means you, Larry Fitzgerald; my apologies, Patrick Willis).
10. Adrian Peterson, RB
It might not be fair that the best running back in the league is ranked last on the list, but I have my reasons. Before I get to them, though, let’s clear the air really quick. Yes, AP is THE BEST running back in the league. Sorry, Seattle fans, but one rainbow-bright year with a ridiculous streak is not enough to usurp the man who, in his rookie year, dethroned a befuddled LaDainian Tomlinson who could only watch helplessly from the sidelines as the league’s best halfback by breaking the single-game rushing record. The only reason he comes in 10th is because he tore his ACL at the end of 2011, and because Seattle has a solid run defense. Don’t be shocked to see Earl Thomas and Kam Chancellor stacking the box. A healthy AP is a top 15 player in this league.
9. Cam Newton, QB
The most dynamic rookie since AP, Cam unleashed H E double hockey sticks on the rest of the league in 2011. Even though his team finished 3rd in the division, he turned in what I think was the best rookie season in professional sports since Magic Johnson. He might not have won Finals MVP, but he did earn himself a Pro Bowl spot (much like Magic on the All-Star team), throw for 400+ yards in consecutive games (only a first EVER), break the record for rushing touchdowns by a quarterback, singlehandedly revive Steve Smith, a man whose eulogy I had already written, signed, and was on the lectern about to pronounce, and propel countless fantasy football owners into the Finals. All this as a rookie, mind you. I honestly don’t know if his second act can top his first in terms of NFL firsts, but he has built a groundswell of fandom from coast-to-coast, and it’s not unwarranted. Pete Carroll might call in sick when the Seahawks travel to Carolina, and it would behoove him to do so. Wait, why is this guy ranked 9th again?
8. Tony Romo, QB
And a chorus of boos erupts. Say what you will about Tony Romo, but since his botched fumble in 2007, he has gone 2-0 against the Seahawks, throwing for 331 yards and 3 touchdowns in a 34-9 win in 2008, and in 2011, he threw for 279 yards and 2 touchdowns in a 23-13 win. He may not have completely exercised the demons, but he has yet to lose to Seattle since 6 January, 2007. Romo boasts the second best passer rating (second only to the 2011 MVP, and 2010 Super Bowl MVP) in the NFL since his arrival in the league. He and the Cowboys will be hell-bent on getting a win against Seattle. They’ve drawn the daunting task of having to travel clear across the country to start their season on the road against the defending Super Bowl champion New York Giants, a trip which will most likely result in a loss (the Cowboys have only 2 wins against the Giants since sweeping them in 2007, and they play each other twice a year). Getting off to an 0-2 start is not an option, so the pressure will be on.
7. Ndamukong Suh, DT
My Microsoft Word is going berserk with these ridiculous names, but don’t let the name fool you; the man is no joke. Joke about him and he might stomp you out ala that Thanksgiving Day game against the Green Bay Packers. What? Too soon? Sorry. The point is, this is one person you don’t want to mess with. Seattle’s offensive line, as physical as they are, will be glad they only have to see him once every 3 years. Matt Flynn didn’t seem to mind a little Suh nipping at his heels when he was throwing for 6 touchdowns in last year’s season finale, but this time, he isn’t throwing to Jordy Nelson, JerMichael Finley, or Greg Jennings. He’s throwing to Ben Obomanu (Microsoft Word just exploded) and Mike Williams (ahh, thanks for the plain Jane name, Mike). No disrespect to the latter pair, but come on. Suh is that rare combination of fast, quick, strong, and mean. Expect the Seahawks to throw the kitchen sink at him and that Detroit defensive line, utilizing their entire offensive playbook to keep Flynn alive and Marshawn Lynch involved.
6. Calvin Johnson, Jr., WR
Mr. Madden 2013 himself, Calvin Johnson, Jr. has staked his claim as the second best player in the NFC North, the best receiver in the NFL, and a once-in-a-generation athlete in all sports. The man known as Megatron has a skillset that transcends football. Also, he can wear the hell out of a suit, if you’ve seen his Acura commercial. Brandon Browner and Richard Sherman are as physically gifted as cornerbacks come, but to say they’ll have their hands full on October 28th is a gross understatement. I imagine both will spend some time on him, with Thomas and Chancellor shadowing his every move over the top. Their saving grace could be that Detroit doesn’t have anyone else to throw the ball to, so the predictability of their offense might play into Seattle’s hands. Then again, that’s what 13 NFL teams thought last year, and he still managed to catch 96 balls for 1,681, with 16 of them being in the end zone. Last time I checked, Optimus Prime wasn’t from Seattle.
5. Clay Matthews, OLB
Matthews is perhaps the only man whose looks would allow him to star as both Captain America and Thor. Seriously. Slap a helmet, hammer, and cape on him and Chris Hemsworth might be out of a job. Aside from his striking resemblance to Marvel characters, though, Matthews has shown that he can get to the quarterback with relative ease. His presence in the backfield is a weekly mainstay. There isn’t a player with greater play-making ability at the position than Matthews, who always seems to be in position to make timely sacks, forced fumbles, and interceptions. The silver lining for Seattle is that the Packers had a terrible defense last year, and that was with Matthews in the lineup. I wouldn’t count on that to continue, so be thankful the Seahawks only travel to The Frozen Tundra once. Wait. Nevermind. That’s a terrible thing to be thankful for.
4. DeMarcus Ware, OLB
“Beware of DeWare” is a popular sign at Jerry’s World, and with good reason. When your team’s pass rusher has the most sacks in the league since his rookie year (99.5), annually flirts with breaking Michael Strahan’s single-season sack record, and can line up on either side, his name should be on every sign. He’s been the best player in Dallas since 2005, and the best pass-rusher in all of football since 2007. Despite his reputation as a pass-rushing stalwart, the underrated part of his game is his ability to play in coverage. He can play the soft zone, and is often the first guy to sniff out a screen. Matt Flynn might know what it’s like to play against Suh, but he has yet to experience the long arms and array of pass-rushing moves that Ware possesses. Expect a 2-sack game and countless quarterback hurries on September 16th.
3. Rob Gronkowski, TE
Speaking of potential Captain Americas…Gronk is the biggest mismatch in the NFL. There isn’t a player in the league with the physical tools to guard him one-on-one. 17 touchdowns, 1,327 yards receiving, and 90 catches are numbers even the league’s best wide receivers might never reach. Imagine doing it your second year in the league? I personally think he was genetically engineered in a lab, or that he was the prototype for some fictional comic book hero. God doesn’t make men 6’6”, 265 lbs., and with a 4.65 forty-yard dash time. He just doesn’t. Not to mention that the man has hands that are just shy of the size of a football (10 ¾ inches). He could literally dribble my head. Despite the size of Seattle’s secondary, they’re going to have to throw a linebacker, corner, and maybe a safety at Gronk, and even then they have to hope he doesn’t plow through them into the end zone, or that Aaron Hernandez doesn’t make them pay for all the attention they give Gronk.
2. Aaron Rodgers, QB
Both Matt Flynn and Aaron Rodgers will be ready to play this game. The student doesn’t always get to face the teacher, but in this case, the student gets to face the teacher a mere 3 weeks into his first season as a starter. Rodgers taught Flynn the art of playing quarterback, and Seattle’s defense might be in-line for a hands-on lesson come September 24th. Rodgers is still simmering about pulling a Dirk (Nowitzki, not Diggler…although with that mustache he sometimes grows, I could easily mistake him for a ‘70’s porn star) and having to accept his MVP trophy at home. Chances are he’s going to have another record-setting year in 2012. Seattle should use this matchup as a measuring stick game. If they can hang with Rodgers on his homefield, they’ll know that they’re ready for just about anything. After all, this is the same club that was 7-9 and somehow managed to beat Drew Brees in the playoffs. Brees and Rodgers are one thing, but this next man is something else entirely.
1. Tom Brady, QB
Jason Sudeikis, dressed as Jesus, put it best on SNL when he said, “If I’m the son of God, Tom Brady’s gotta be the guy’s nephew.”
On October 14th, The Nephew comes to Seattle.
Even if I had 1,000 more words, I couldn’t have said it better.
Feel free to make your own list, as this is the opinion of but one man.
Honorable mention: Darrelle Revis, Jay Cutler, Matt Forte, Jared Allen, Charles Woodson
Till next time.
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