Hide the women, hide the children – college football picks are back! This is the fourth year of the picks, and our second here on Oregon Sports News – which is to say that this space has almost as much history as Washington State football.
College football begins in earnest today, so here are the week one picks.
South Carolina 34, Texas A&M 20 –A&M alum and noted fan Rick Perry has gotten in shape for the season by getting indicted by a grand jury for felony abuse of power and blaming a vast liberal conspiracy. Rock Chalk Gamecock!
Ole Miss 41, Boise State 17 – In Ole Miss country at the old Vicksburg Courthouse lies the greatest shrine to sainted hero Confederate President Jeff Davis ever known. God help us.
UCLA 45, Virginia 14 – My dad is rarely confused, but he can’t understand for the life of him which Jim Mora is coaching the UCLA Bruins.
Michigan 38, Appalachian State 10 – Sorry Michigan fans, but this pick has been – BLOCKED! BLOCKED!
Alabama 51, West Virginia 7 – Oh for the love of Little Debby and all things holy, why did West Virginia quarterback Clint Trickett tell reporters that Nick Saban’s daughter was his first kiss?
Northwestern 44, California 21 – It seems like these two meet every year in a polite, blasé little matchup of leading universities located in desirable cities.
Oregon State 35, Portland State 9 – Oregon State would never lose to a mid-major! Like Eastern Washington … or Sacramento State.
Auburn 37, Arkansas 17 – There are reports – unconfirmed – that Bret Bielema was in fact drunk and blinded with a sharp object when he left Wisconsin for the Arkansas job.
Georgia 34, Clemson 28 – We begin another year with the big question at Georgia being, can Mark Richt cover his receding hairline with those sunglasses he never takes off?
USC 31, Fresno State 23 – We know who won’t be playing in this one!
Florida State 45, Oklahoma State 24 – Look people, he forgot to pay for the crab legs. Time to move on.
Wisconsin 18, LSU 15 – I know, I know, it’s a little bit crazy, but I think a B1G team is going to beat an SEC team. At football.
Oregon 63, South Dakota 10 – The Coyotes fall just short in overtime! By 53!
Baylor 55, SMU 20 – People think it was the death penalty that dragged SMU down, but it was actually Craig James. Bears open their new stadium with a big win.
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