Abe Asher’s Week Three College Football Picks

HOF

It’s week three of the college football picks. Rejoice. Last week I went a mediocre 7-3, helping Virginia Tech onto an upset victory over Ohio State with this genius bit of analysis: “Ohio State 41, Virginia Tech 23 – Remember when the Hokies were good? Seems like a long time ago now.”

My season mark is at 18-6. Here are the picks.

Missouri 37, UCF 23 – And I thought there were no good games last week – the early network games this week are Boise State against a UConn team whose quarterback just retired, and Kent State against Ohio State. Sheesh.

Louisville 41, Virginia 16 – This week is so bad that College Gameday is going to Fargo, North Dakota for North Dakota State against the University of the Incarnate Word. I’m not even kidding.

Oregon 55, Wyoming 17 – Speaking of North Dakota State, their coach left for Wyoming this year. His name is Craig Bohl, his nickname is Commander Bohl, and he’s coached North Dakota State and Wyoming. You get the idea.

Georgia 34, South Carolina 24 – The SEC on CBS returns to save us from watching Law and Order SVU reruns at 3:30 EST.

Arkansas 36, Texas Tech 33 – Texas Tech are drawing on their long and storied history for throwback uniforms for this game … from the 1990s.

Iowa 23, Iowa State 20 – Here comes my big Iowa pep talk! “Remember when the Hawkeyes were relevant and people actually cared about Kirk Ferentz and his turtleneck? Yeah, that was 2004 at the latest.

Washington 54, Illinois 21 – The problem Illinois has in this game is that it’s football and not basketball.

Notre Dame 44, Purdue 3 – By god Purdue has gotten bad! After going 1-11 last year, the team pulled out a morale boosting victory over Western Michigan, before being stomped on by Central Michigan last Saturday and losing by three touchdowns.

Florida 35, Kentucky 13 – Start praying for that lightning delay, Kentucky!

Oklahoma 45, Tennessee 27 – Two Stoops too many for the Vols.

USC 42, Boston College 14 – If Josh Shaw played in this game, would anyone notice?

UCLA 33, Texas 25 – Over at the Jerry Jones Sexually Assaults People Dome, poor Charlie Strong has to play a UCLA team that no one who scheduled this game thought would be anything above mediocre when they scheduled it.

Washington State 34, Portland State 32 – This game is a must-watch, right? I mean this here game is college football at it’s very finest.

Nebraska 54, Fresno State 21 – No one circles the wagons like Ameer Abdullah skirting the entire McNeese State defense to score a touchdown, avoid overtime, and save three seats for Nebraska in the House of Representatives.

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