The Western Conference is nearing the last lap of a highly entertaining season and the playoffs are suiting up to be the biggest bloodbath since, well, last year’s playoffs. Eight teams woke up this morning thinking they have a chance at a championship and none are wrong (although I’m pretty skeptical of Dallas). Barring a major injury or a colossal meltdown, these eight teams will all be picking up a sword and competing in the 2015 Western Conference Hunger Games. Oregon is, of course, rooting for the Portland Trail Blazers but who should we be rooting against? After the uprooting of the Seattle Supersonics, the Blazers have no true rival. However, you will find plenty of villains who deserve to be picked apart. Based partially on playoff seeding implications, partially on match-ups, and partially on my own very biased opinion – here are the Blazers’ hate power rankings.
- San Antonio Spurs
During last year’s Conference Semis, the Spurs tied the Blazers to a chair and let Tony Parker perform a lap dance all over them and Blazer fans still weren’t mad. It was unreal. If Damian Lillard had missed his iconic three and the Rockets won Game 7, I would have (almost) been concerned for James Harden’s life. After the Spurs embarrassed the Blazers, I wasn’t even mad. Sure, Parker can be a bit cocky and Manu Ginobili flops once per quarter. But can you really hate a team whose superstar wears this before a game?
- Golden State Warriors
The likely number one seed on the West also happens to be the most watchable squad and the team with the best chemistry. Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson always have the potential to get hot and hit seven threes in a row and Draymond Green is my favorite candidate for Defensive Player of the Year. Their play is great, but what really wins me over is their chemistry. The players are always eating dinner together, taking videos of each other on the plane, and goofing around in the locker room. Here’s a funny anecdote posted on r/nba about how a media guy tried to turn off the celebration music during post game interviews and one of the Dub’s yelled from the bathroom, “DON’T YOU DARE TURN THAT RADIO DOWN!” Can you really hate this team?
- Dallas Mavericks
The Mavericks win extra points for being Terry Stotts’ last stop before Portland. They also are more likable because how can you not respect the game of Dirk Nowitzki? This is his last title run, aided by the genius of Rick Carlisle and the rise of Monta Ellis. What always concerns me is how close the games between the Mavericks and Blazers have been lately. I’m sure Maverick fans haven’t forgotten how well LaMarcus Aldridge plays in his home town, but I surely haven’t forgotten Ellis’ game winner last year.
- Memphis Grizzlies
I bumped the Grizzlies over the Mavericks because the Blazers are 0-3 against Marc Gasol and company this season. There is something about the massive front court of Gasol and (former Blazer) Zach Randolph that always seems to shake up the Blazers. My hate for the Grizzlies is purely political. There aren’t any players that I don’t like (although you could talk me into Courtney Lee). Mike Conley is an underrated star who has improved every season. Zach “Elvis” Randolph has really turned his career around in Memphis. Yet, I have to hate the Grizzlies because I think they would outmuscle the Blazers in the playoffs.
- Los Angeles Clippers
My hate for the Clippers has very little to do with politics and conference standings. Lob City was fun for a while, but now Sob City seems to be more appropriate. Stars Chris Paul and Blake Griffin act like spoiled kids at their own birthday party after they don’t receive enough foul calls. Whether you think it’s about gender or not, Paul’s comments about Official Lauren Holtkamp were disgraceful. Perhaps even more ridiculously, Head Coach/General Manager Doc Rivers may have destroyed his team’s future by acquiring his son. Has that ever happened before in professional sports? The Clippers are a really talented team but that just makes it more pleasurable when they lose.
- Oklahoma City Thunder
I’m putting the Thunder this high because they are the only division rival in the playoffs for the Blazers (the Denver Nuggets, Minnesota Timberwolves and Utah Jazz are a combined 56-119 this season). They have two of the best five players in the league and, when healthy, they might be favorites to win the title. The healthy part is key because reigning MVP Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook have missed huge stretches of the season. These injuries have turned Durant and Westbrook from villains to a comeback story. If I have to read one more fan romanticize about the possibility of an eight seed Thunder reaching the finals, I’m going to channel my inner Serge Ibaka and block them from my newsfeed. Seriously. This team cannot be taken lightly. Westbrook might average a triple double for the rest of the season and he’s not even the best player on the team. I hate how good the Thunder are when they are playing well.
- Houston Rockets
Who else besides James Harden and his crew of villainous henchmen for the top spot? Last year’s first round matchup has created a rivalry between these two teams that inspires great play and ugly game threads between fans. First off, it’s easy enough to pick apart Harden’s ugly game. He dribbles through the lane like a fly, daring the defenders to swat at him. His game is modeled after deception and free throws. If sports acting performance was added to the Oscars, he would be the favorite for best actor. During one game last year, he scored 27 points off of two field goals. Whether you like it or not, he makes 90% of them and his ugly strategy has allowed him to lead the Rockets to the third best record in the west. LeBron James might join Blazer fans with his hatred of Harden. During their last matchup, Harden purposely kicked James in the groin. Is it possible to like Harden at this point? Should I talk about his incessant flopping too? I already hate the Rockets more and I haven’t even mentioned Dwight Howard or Patrick Beverly. Let’s hope Lillard has another dagger with him if they match up in the playoffs again.
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