In 2010, Comcast SportsNet Northwest aired a reality show to help fill the summer, non-Blazers season void entitled Wanted: Adventure Host. It was a fun, entertaining little reality series in which nine contestants competed to host a new regional outdoor show. A year later it spawned Wanted: Adventure Woman, which was the same concept only it was all women. Then, it was gone. Never to be seen again. It’s time Comcast brought it back. The timing is perfect for a reboot of this lost treasure of a show. Nostalgia seems to be all the rage these days; from Star Wars (good) to Full House (bad), reboots and restarts of movies and TV shows from long ago are coming back for a second life. But, like all reboots, Wanted needs to go in a somewhat different direction to help boost ratings and keep it on the air. So, instead of challenges that focus on skills designed solely for the purpose of surviving in the wilderness, the show should focus on skills needed for urban survival, because surviving in the city can be just as dangerous as surviving in the woods.
Here are a few suggestions for a new and improved Wanted: Urban Adventure Host
Host
The host of this new series should be the voice and face of urban survival in Portland. And what better face than that of Tonya Harding? When the going got tough, Tonya got tougher, and hired some contestants to take it out. Nobody needs an image transformation more than Harding, and what better way to rehabilitate her image than by hosting a local reality program about urban survival? Not to mention, her name alone might garner the viewers and ratings the first two editions of Wanted did not. Nobody has taken more lumps than Harding and still stuck around the region when so many others would have left. Fun fact: Harding now makes her residence in Yacolt, WA, which is a Klickitat term meaning place of haunted spirits. How perfect is that? She is also no stranger to television, having done commentary for America’s Dumbest Criminals on TruTV. Harding is pure Portland, the best and worst of us, and the perfect host for Wanted: Urban Adventure Host.
New Challenges
This new edition of Wanted will have all new challenges centered around surviving urban life in the Pacific Northwest. These challenges will be designed to engage both the mind as well as the body, physically and emotionally testing every contestant to the urban living extreme. Below are some of the new challenges that await.
Portland to Rockwood MAX Challenge
Contestants try to survive a dark, late night MAX ride from Pioneer Courthouse Square in downtown Portland to Rockwood on 197th and Burnside with an unsecured iPhone, a shiny new Rolex, and wearing bib overalls with the words “Gang Graffiti Removal, INC.” in bold letters on the back. Will any of these items survive the trip with the contestants? Will the contestants survive the trip? This is one challenge that will be just as intense of a ride for both contestants and viewers.
Run the Waterfront Park Loop and Pass a Drug Test Challenge
Contestants will take a jog on a beautiful sunny day along the Tom McCall Waterfront Park to the cloud of smoke signals between the Morrison and Burnside Bridges. Here, you will find the homeless and retired youths alike taking in the sweet freedom of smoking marijuana, a standing tradition here even before it was legal. From here, contestants will hold their breath for as long as possible to avoid picking up any second hand medicine as a drug test awaits them just as soon as they reach the Steel Bridge. Any traces of THC and they are out (of a job)!
Have a Gluten-Free Beer. And Enjoy it.
Portland is known for its many varieties of breweries and beer. There is even a brewery for the growing movement of everything having to be gluten-free. But, have you ever had a gluten-free beer? And liked it? Like, really liked it? In this challenge, contestants will sample a variety of gluten-free beers, trying to find one they would actually pay money for out of their own pocket! Cheers!
The Grand Avenue Light Run
The challenge: Contestants start from SE Grand and Mill in a car (preferably a Subaru) and head north on Grand all the way to NE Broadway without coming to a complete stop at a traffic light. Timing is everything in this very difficult challenge. Hit just one red light and your ten minute journey to Broadway will take half an hour.
The McMenamins to a Broadway Show Dinner Hour
McMenamins restaurants are widespread over Oregon and Washington. Known for their beers, atmospheric locations and relatively cheap pub food; what they are not known for is adequate, quick service. If you have anywhere to be in a short amount of time, a stop at a McMenamins is not the place to go. Which is why this challenge may be the toughest one yet. This challenge includes walking into a McMenamins, having the host or hostess seat you, ordering food and beverages whenever the understaffed service gets to you, getting your food and beverages delivered to your table in a timely matter, eating everything on your plate, asking for and receiving your check, all in one hour or less to make a Broadway show in time. Good luck!
Hot Going In, Hot Going Out Contest
Contestants will enjoy five El Jefe chicken wings from Fire on the Mountain, five hot cheese fritters from Salvador Molly’s while enjoying a pint of Sweet Heat from Burnside Brewing and see how long they can last before having to sprint for an extended stay at the nearest restroom.
Commute to Work on a Bike
Contestants take their life into their own hands as they battle mother nature, bad drivers and other angry cyclists as they navigate the green bike paths and sleepy pedestrian obstacles on their way to work. This 5-day challenge should weed out half the contestant by the time it’s over.
Winner
The final contestant standing, or living, will be the new co-host of a new reality show on Comcast hosted by Dwight Jaynes entitled, “It Makes Dwightsense to Me!”, covering everything we love and hate at the same time about city life.
There you go, Comcast, you now have the ingredients to what will be the biggest hit of the summer. Mix in some reality show competitiveness about urban survival with some overzealous, fame hungry contestants and you have bona fide ratings gold. Who needs the Blazers when you have Wanted: Urban Adventure Host!
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