The 2009 Miami Dolphins

Okay, let’s be serious here. Have you seen the Dolphins at all this season? I haven’t. In the following list, I am going to tell you everything I know about the Dolphins this year:

• Bill Parcells runs them.
• Like 30 celebrities own them.
• Joey Porter is still there.
• They only start quarterbacks named Chad (and everyone named Chad is an a-hole).

They’ve had a few upsets and a few letdowns, and no doubt they’re looking to ruin Pittsburgh’s playoff chances and maybe sneak in themselves. There’s been a lot of talk about the Jets and the Ravens needing to lose. Houston needing to lose. The one game Steeler fans are’nt talking about is the most important: the Dolphins absolutely must lose on Sunday. It’s a 1:00 game too, so in every sense, that comes first. If the Steelers win, then we can watch Baltimore play in the Black Hole at 4:15. Then we can watch the Jets play Cincinnati at 8:20. There’s a full day of football left to decide the AFC, and everyone should be glued to their couches from 1:00 on.

And listen, LaMarr Woodley came out and said that the Patriots or Bengals would deliberately lose their games so they wouldn’t have to see the Steelers in the playoffs. That’s a joke. If the Steelers don’t make it in, you can’t blame the Bengals. You can’t blame the Patriots (I mean, no one will complain if you’re hating on Belichick, but still). The Steelers and their fans can blame the awful losses to bad teams. The missed FGs against Chicago. The failure to stop Cincinnati on 4th down. The games against Kansas City, Oakland, and Cleveland that no one will ever be able to justify.

If the Steelers do not make the playoffs, it is their own fault. They really don’t belong there, and we should consider it a blessing that they even have a glimmer of hope about sneaking in at this point. As it stands, the odds aren’t too unrealistic, but we should all be prepared for the worst.

On Sunday afternoon, we may see the Steelers play for the last time until next fall. We may not see Casey Hampton, Ryan Clark, Jeff Reed, etc. in black and gold ever again. So we have a game against the Dolphins left. The Steelers need to play like it’s their last game, and you need to watch like it’s your last game. And regardless of the outcome, the AFC will finally fall into place at the conclusion of Sunday night’s game, which is something we’re all waiting to see. Let’s hope the Steelers can sneak their way into it.

Here We Go.