Around the NFL: 5/6/11

Around the NFL is a new weekly Foxboro Blog feature to help keep Patriot fans up-to-date on the latest news from the other 31 teams in the league. The views expressed herein are solely the author’s and do not necessarily represent the Foxboro Blog editorial staff. That’s the polite way of Derek saying “I will not be held responsible for the stupid shit Jason says, so if there is a libel suit to be filed, he’s on his own.” Read at your own risk. And please don’t sue me.

• By now, most folks have read Rashard Mendenhall’s controversial tweets regarding Osama bin Laden’s death. This story has been shot from every angle (no pun intended), so for the most part, I’ll leave it alone this week. It is interesting to note that at some point next season, the Steelers could see a twice-accused rapist quarterback handing off to a terrorist sympathizer after they get the ball back following a turnover caused by a guy who beat up the mother of his child. Although to be fair, that’s still less drama than a typical offseason for Brandon Marshall. He may have had three incidents with law enforcement since I started typing this paragraph.
• In a story that sounds like it came from the manatees on South Park that come up with random Family Guy jokes, Tedy Bruschi and Jeff Fischer are planning to climb Mount Kilimanjaro later this month. They’ll be doing the climb for charity to help raise awareness for the Wounded Warrior project. Bruschi is a novice climber, but it’s hard to bet against a guy who was back playing in the NFL a few months after suffering a stroke a few years ago. It’s a safe bet that he not only reaches the summit, but also enters the record books as the first NFL player to ever sack a Yeti.
• Matt Millen and Joe Theismann will be replaced next season as the broadcast crew for NFL Network’s Thursday night games. I’ll be especially glad to see Millen go. He ruined those broadcasts worse than he ruined the Lions, and that’s no easy task.
• BREAKING NEWS: Rashard Mendenhall just tweeted that he plans to steal a sample of the DNA collected by Navy Seals Team Six so he can have bin Laden’s babies. Man, put down the smartphone.
• Dancing with the Stars participant Hines Ward was held at gunpoint by police earlier this week in a mix-up concerning a stolen car that wasn’t really stolen. My conspiracy theory sense tells me that there was no mix-up. The cop was probably just upset that Kenrda got voted off. It’s OK man, I will miss Kendra too.
• And finally, we haven’t had a chance to talk about Rex Ryan’s book yet. I’m a bit ashamed that it’s taken us this long. In his book, Ryan admitted that he struggled with dyslexia. That’s a brave thing to admit, and it also helps explain why he doesn’t understand that you should actually win at least one championship before you start acting like you’ve won three. I guess if you’re coaching a team full of miscreants, it pays to be a little bit backwards. I can’t wait for the sequel (assuming someone gets him a new box of Crayolas). By that point, he’ll probably believe that his Jets could beat the Yankees. At baseball. Blindfolded.