I am not a crook

So we have the initial findings around the Patriots using underinflated balls and they are not good. According to several media reports, 11 of the 12 balls were up to two pounds below the minimum required by rule. This is bad, in many ways, for the Patriots However, before we explore the fallout that is almost sure to follow, I think the Colts and the PSI of NFL footballs need a bit of examination.

I’m certain many will weep for the Colts and scream “Belicheat!” from the highest mountaintop- storming Foxboro with pitchforks and torches of righteous indignation; I, however, will not cry a single tear for the crew from the Hoosier State. Remember, this is the same team that turned up the heat in the RCA Dome to mirror a mid-summer’s day in Port-au-Prince during the ’06 AFC Championship Game in order to exhaust flu-addled, travel-exhausted Patriots. Additionally, the poor Colts pumped in so much crowd noise the TB12 would have had a better chance calling audibles on the tarmac at LAX or at a Metallica concert. But, hey, that was all ok because Peyton got his ring two weeks later in a virtual walkover against the Bears.

There is also the incredibly under-reported case of Aaron Rodgers and the over-inflated footballs. (I am doing everything in my power to stay away from the low hanging fruit of the balls jokes). Good Ol’ Phil Simms said, on the air, that Rodgers mentioned that he likes to have the balls inflated over the maximum allowed when he plays. Simms and co-conspirator, Jim Nantz, described a back-slapping, ass-grabbing preproduction meeting in which Rodgers said he prefers the balls overstuffed and that it was a challenge to see if the officials would notice, or care. Did anyone whine, moan, or complain about that? The short answer-no. The longer answer, everybody does it, one way or the other.

One of the worst outcomes of this is the fact that the ESPN talking heads have had two weeks of trolling fodder fed to them on a commemorative, Franklin Mint AFC Champions spoon. As if it was possible for that network to become any more unwatchable during the day, now you will have the usual suspects (Bayless, Hoge, Schlereth, Cowherd, along with late-to-the-Pats-hate-party Wilbon) railing on for two weeks. If I was Tedy Bruschi, I’d use some vacation time and stay away from Bristol for a bit.

Another aspect of this is the Patriots will almost certainly be punished. As a fan, if they get fined, it has no effect on me; they have a license to print money down at Gillette, so I think they’ll be able to pay the electric bill afterward. If the lose draft picks or if there are suspensions, that will affect the team, which will impact those who root for them. Picking at 31 or 32 is difficult enough; now their first pick might be at 63 or 64- that’s tough. Playing a few games without BB next year would hurt, but what would hurt even more is if he was asked to stay away from Glendale. Could Josh McD and Matty P shepherd New England to an improbable win? Maybe but I don’t want to even think about that possibility.

The worst part of this is the Pats didn’t need to do this to win. It’s sort of like the 1972 Presidential Election. There was no way Nixon was going to lose to McGovern. I mean, hell, McGovern DIDN’T EVEN WIN HIS HOME STATE! The election was over before it even happened- much as the AFC Championship Game was over before the first underinflated ball was snapped. The Pats just couldn’t stand the prosperity of having Indy land in their laps.It appears they may have felt compelled to do their own version of the Watergate break in and allegedly tamper with the footballs.  And now we have another “gate”- and oddly, this one, if proven true, with it similarities to the original, actually desreves the suffix.