66 Things That Suck More Than Losing In The Stanley Cup Finals

First off…congrats to the Wings and Wings fans. Detroit proved that, at least for this season, they were the best team in the NHL. We have a very bright future to look forward to in Sid, Geno, MAF and the guys, but that doesn’t ease the immediate sting of losing in the Stanley Cup finals.

Well, take it easy on yourself, Penguins fan. Here’s a list of 66 things that suck worse than losing in the Stanley Cup Finals:

1. Losing in the first round (cough…Ottawa…cough) (cough…us last year…cough)
2. Losing in the second round (cough…Rangers…cough)
3. Losing in the Eastern Finals (cough…Philly…cough)
4. Not making the playoffs
5. Not having an NHL team
6. Not being an NHL fan
7. Someone kicking you in the balls
8. Someone punching you in the balls
9. Punching yourself in the balls
10. Kicking yourself in the balls (for all my double-jointed folk out there)
11. Realizing that all we have right now is the Pirates
12. Getting a paper cut
13. 9-5
14. Watching Rachel Ray
15. Being from Cleveland
16. Being friends with Nick Hogan
17. Listening to Yanni
18. Gary Bettman
19. Balsillie
20. Kansas City
21. Ed Rendell
22. Constipation
23. The runs
24. Hangovers at work the day after watching your team lose
25. Sid Bream
26. Possibly losing Orpik, Hossa AND Malone
27. Ghosts
28. Dumb people
29. Vomit
30. Getting shat on by a bird
31. Stepping in dog poo
32. Stepping in human poo
33. Any skateboarding video where dudes break bones
34. Hospital-based movies and tv shows where they show awful injuries
35. Falling down
36. Sneezing and sharting
37. Negative people
38. 2girls1cup
39. Being sick
40. Reality tv
41. Bryan Murray
42. Tom Renney
43. John Dellapina
44. Onions
45. Getting cockblocked
46. Michelob Ultra
47. Hungarian Goulash
48. Your mom
49. Republicans
50. Democrats
51. MSMers who hate bloggers
52. Trying to think of a solid number of things that suck
53. The Browns
54. Rich people
55. Taxes
56. Rent
57. Violence
58. Flossing
59. Scott Burnside trashing Lemieux
60. Authority
61. Humidity
62. Roadkill
63. People who hate the movie “The Jerk”
64. MTv
65. Listening to Rascall Flatts
66. Waiting for next season to start

Thanks Pens, for an unbelievable season! Here’s to next year.