OMG Responsible Sports Writing LOLZ!!!1!

Time to unveil a new, semi-regular series here at PSAMP. I had too much fun with Hines Ward’s meta-apology to Ben a few weeks ago, so now I’m going to use the format to highlight some sports journalism. Some bad sports journalism. LOLspeak will expose these turd-worthy articles, showing how patently ridiculous they are.

I’ll pull some of the silliest paragraphs and completely LOLify their concepts. Yesterday, PG writer Ron Cook lashed out against fighting in hockey. Pretty poorly. Let’s take a look at the true depth of Ron’s absurdity.

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U KNEW SOMETHNG RIDICULOS WAS GONG 2 HAP3N AT MELON AERNA LAST NIGHT AVAN BFOR3 TEH P3NGUINS AND PHILAEDLPHIA FLYARS HIT TEH IEC FOR WUT WAS SUPOS3D 2 B A HOKEY GMA BTWEN ATLANTIC DIVISION RIVALS!!1!!1 OMG LOL STANLEY CUP FINAL HARO MAX TALBOT WAS A HEALTHY SCRATCH FOR TEH PENGUINS!1!1!111 OMG WTF LOL 2UGH GUY 3RIC GODARD WAS IN TEH LIENUP FOR TEH SOLE PURPOSA OF PR3VENTNG TEH FLYERS FROM TAKNG LIEBRTEIS AGANEST ANY OF DA PENGUINS STARS!!!!1!1

I GU3S TAHTS Y I UNDERSTAND PANGUINS COACH DAN BYLSMAS LIENUP STRAETGY!!1!1! OMG WTF TEH FLY3RS CUDNT B ALOW3D 2 FEL AS IF THEY CUD TAEK THEYRE CHEAP SHOTS WITHOUT FEAR OF R3PRISAL!!!!! OMG WTF LOL IF THAY DID THEIR WUD B A GOD CHANCE A SIDN3Y CROSBY OR AN EVGENI MOKIN WUD B CAREID OUT OF DA OLD BUILDNG ON A STRETCHAR!!!11 LOL

SO YEAH I UND3RSTAND IT

BUT!111!!111 OMG LOL I DONT HAEV 2 LIEK IT

I!!!1111! THINK ITS RIDICULOS ACTUALY TAHT TEH SPORT ALOWS TEH GRATUI2US VIOLENCA

ITS!1!11 WTF LOL AN EMBARASMENT 2 A GRAAT GME!111!1 OMG WTF

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BUT DA GME WASNT WUT MOST PEOPLE WIL RAMEMBR ABOUT THES NIGHT!11!1!1 LOL TEH PENGUINS LOV3D TAKNG DA TWO POINTS BUT TH3Y WAR3 VARY MUCH LIEK DA FOLKS H3AEDD OUT IN2 TEH COLD NIGHT 2 DA PARKNG LOTS!!!1111 WTF TH3Y WANTED 2 TOK ABOUT DA THRE FIGHTS IN 16 S3CONDS!!!1!1 OMG WTF

See how ridiculous you sound, Ron? OMG WTF

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Much love as always to the classic AOLer Translater.

If you find any horrible sportswriting that you want LOLed, send it over.