So, the other night I decided to cross the border and make my way up to Ann Arbor (whore!) to get me some answers. With only a ball of twine, a spork, and a photo of Sam McGuffie, I was able to entrap and capture an entire pack of Communist Skunkbears from The Wolverine Liberation Army. While most of them cowered in fear, only the one known as “ChiTown Blue” was able to speak without pissing himself.
Because I have made this an annual trip, I showed some pity on them before I chopped off their ears, and allowed them to ask me a few questions. This LINK will provide you with those answers, whenever they get the balls to make them public.
Here is the result of the interrogation:
Both Notre Dame and Michigan needed decisive victories in week one for the battle on Saturday to garner national attention. That was achieved. How would this game be viewed if:
A. Michigan would have lost to UConn…
B. Notre Dame would have lost to Purdue…
C. Both teams lost their opener…
I’d say that both Michigan and Notre Dame are still question marks. Notre Dame, clearly, because of their new Coach and their turnover on the offensive side of the ball, while Michigan because their victory was a result of a likely unsustainably-awesome Quarterback performance. If a thoroughly mediocre Purdue team had knocked ND off, we could probably write you guys off as a serious threat, and if UConn had knocked us off, I’d think that you could safely say that we aren’t, say, a top-35ish quality team. The question marks still exist – which makes this much more compelling than if we already definitely knew one (or both) of the teams weren’t ballot worthy.
An additional aside – a Michigan loss in the opener would have likely had the result of lighting the already hot seat that Rodriguez is on into a blazing inferno for this game for much of Michigan’s fanbase. UConn, and the way it was won, likely got him a margin of breathing room.
For being a bunch of evil communists, you guys sure have bought a shitload of stock in Denard Robinson. Do you eat whatever shit is shoved down your throat by your leader, Premier DickRod, or do you honestly believe that “Shoelace” is the chosen one?
YOU KNOW IT. At our blog, we’ve been on the Denard-train for more than a year at this point. This was a kid whose high-school coaching consisted of “throw a bomb or run like hell” – given the obviously powerful arm and the obviously absurd speed, we felt that with some actual coaching, he’d be something special. Toss in his ever-present smile, the obvious affection that the entire team and coaching staff has for him, personally, and you have a special player. Throw in his obvious love of the game (he’s smiling every second he’s on the field), and you’ve got a guy that the team rallies around despite his youth. Denard is a rad, rad, rad dude.
Your defense has gone threw an overhaul, and your soldiers are dropping like Nazis in a Ukrainian winter. How will the Skunkbears hold up against Notre Dame’s onslaught of terror led by Dayne Crist, Michael Floyd, etc., etc.?
We ain’t gonna lie – we’re going to have to outscore you. Our front did a fairly good job of shackling a pretty effective UConn rushing game (they returned 4 OL and a TB from one of the best rushing attacks in college football) – holding them to 50 yards while the performance was still relevant (they ran for 50 more in the final 10 minutes as we entered our prevent defense). However, as you noted, the secondary is a raging tire fire, and Michael Floyd demolished a better version last year. We’re hoping that Crist isn’t Clausen, and we KNOW Kamara isn’t Golden Tate. Weis’ shoddiness aside, the guy coached a pretty effective passing game last year – I don’t see how Kelly can do better with fewer pieces.
Have you tallied the practice hours for this week and is the team only over the allotted amount by 20 hours- or did it get crazy and exceeded the amount by over 40 hours?
Do you think we need extra practice for Denard (who runs a 4.3) to carve up a defense that let Robert fucking Marve stroll through it for a 25 yard TD run? In actuality, we donated our sanctioned practice time to ND’s defense so they can get in some early stretching to allow them to bend over and grab their ankles on Saturday.
Brian Kelly is a shining beacon of light for the midwest-brand of football. How do you plan on worshipping him, and what sacrifices will you lay down before his feet?
We actually like Brain Kelly! Do you guys? I assumed that most of ND’s fanbase thinks he’s a baby-killer. It’s so odd to see a college coaching search where a candidate’s opinion on abortion is a relevant topic.
Are you planning on making a trip to the Mecca of College Football, or will you be watching it on the NDC? Do you feel warm and cozy that no matter your location in the universe- the Fighting Irish can be seen?
You mean the Mecca that’s just a miniature version of the Big House? Meh. We’re watching on TV where we can verbally fondled in inappropriate ways by the ever-creepy Tom Hammond.
You give glory to the obvious, but are there any other players that the Irish faithful should know about? Who are they, and why do they matter?
Denard, obviously. He will be the engine that runs the offense, along with a veteran, and pretty effective, offensive line. Our defense is in rough shape but two linemen – Mike Martin and Ryan Van Bergen – are three-year contributors who have done an admirable job quashing running games for nearly two years. Also, beware our receiving corps, despite them looking like the lollipop guild. They’re all veeeerrrryyyyyy fast.
Apparently, Michigan is on some type of probation. Does this even matter in the slightest?
Not really? Tough to say. We’ve voluntarily given something like 2 hours of practice time up a week during the season. Right now, that’s really the only punishment. You could argue that if Rodriguez is on the fence at the end of the year, this sort of malfeasance could be the proverbial straw that breaks the camels back, but…our AD seems to think the whole “controversy” was bullshit anyway. So, no. Probably doesn’t matter at all.
Finally. Explain to the Irish faithful how Michigan will lose, and bitch about some call or the weather. (Predictions, please).
In 1887, the Michigan Wolverines travelled to South Bend and, in Notre Dame’s first game, taught them the game of football. On September 11th, 2010, we’re teaching another lesson. Bring your notebooks. 35-30, Michigan.
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