Great Shane of Subway Domer video fame decided to sit down and simulate the 2012 Football Season on NCAA Football 2013. He took notes as he watched the Notre Dame games unfold. Dear god, he’s going to die at a young age…
On to Miami:
Week 6 – Miami vs. Notre Dame (Chicago, IL)
After a seemingly eternal bye week, Notre Dame is back and ready to right the ship at Soldier Field in a veritable home-away-from-home against The University of Miami. As you can imagine, we skipped into the bye week losing our top 25 status and are now a cool .500 1/3 of the way into the season once again. But I guess everyone else in America sucked dicks too because heading into this game we are (no bullshit) ranked!! #25?! What the fu….seriously explain this shit to me. Not even the most irrational Irish fans saw this one coming.
So far the biggest hiccup remains the quarterback play overall and the inexplicable turnovers. Needless to say it’s looking like a pretty good time to dial up a win right about now. Miami comes into the week at 2-3 having beaten terrible teams like Boston College and FCS Southeast while losing to Georgia Tech, NC State, and Kansas State all of which are ranked in the top 25. So far there isn’t much separating Miami from Notre Dame aside from that 3rd loss. Notre Dame remains last in the country in turnover margin at -7 but at least we have one thing we’re #1 in the country at, and that’s our run defense. Over the course of 4 games we’ve managed to allow just 74 TOTAL rush yards and our total defense has us ranked #3 in that category overall. The brilliant thing here is that even though our turnover margin is god awful, Miami’s is shitty as fuck too as theyre at -6. EDGE: NOTRE DAME
Let’s get this party started! Someone cue the goddamn Crazy Train!
Rainy, cold as shit weather sets the tone for this game from the outset. Notre Dame wins the toss and elects to receive the ball hoping to strike fast. Davonte Neal gets his feet wet on kickoff duties and brings it up to the 30.
My guess is that Notre Dame got a real nice boost from seeing that Top 25 status we clearly don’t deserve because we came to play today. Notre Dame comes out on 1st down with a 5 wide set and cant connect over the middle to Tyler Eifert where the ball falls incomplete, so the offense lines up again with 5 wide on 2nd and tries its luck to the boundary where John Goodman picks up the 1st down at the Notre Dame 44. Golson drops back on 1st down still in the 5 wide set and looks deep for TJ Jones who seems to be out of reach but makes a ridiculous diving catch to snare the ball at the Miami 21. Golson lines the troops up on 1st down again and is forced to throw this one away so to adjust for this Golson hands off to Cierre Wood on 2nd and he picks up 12 yards to the Miami 9. With the goal line clearly in sight Golson snaps the ball from the gun and runs it himself essentially unopposed and walks right into the end zone for a Notre Dame touchdown! This shit took the team 30 seconds to accomplish…where this team was before, I’ll never know. They hit the PAT and go up 7-0
Miami gets the ball at their own 25 following a touchback on the kickoff. On both 1st and second the QB tries to scramble and gets a total of 3 yards bringing up 3rd and 7. On 3rd down Miami tries to hit their Tight End over the middle but just as he catches the ball Manti Te’o smacks the shit out of him and the ball drops incomplete bringing up a comforting 4th down. Riddick takes the ensuing punt and returns it to the 50.
Notre Dame takes over at mid-field where on 1st down Golson looks to Robby Toma who picks up about 4 yards. The next play they try having Toma line up in the backfield to take the handoff and he manages to do a whole lot of nothing except losing yards bringing up 3rd and 9 where Golson tries to scramble and can’t pick up the first forcing Notre Dame to punt on 4th and 4 from the Miami 46. The punt hits the end zone for a touchback.
Miami comes out at their own 20 and on 1st down Manti Te’o knocks the pass down incomplete. On 2nd they try a run that gets stopped by Stephon Tuitt for a gain of 4 bringing up 3rd and 6. Bob Diaco calls a corner blitz on 3rd down and the QBs reads the shit out of it and hits his back on a screen to that side which he takes down the about the 40. With 1st down again they try another run and it goes for a short gain of about 2. On 2nd down they try a draw pay and pick up about 6 more bringing up 3rd and 2 where they try to run again and managed to gain about 5 yards to the Notre Dame 44 and get the 1st. With the new set of down Miami can’t produce anything on 1st and second down bringing up 3rd and 10 where they try a slip screen that Manti Te’o sniffs out and completely negates for no gain. This brings the 1st quarter to a close and its still 7-0 Irish.
With the 2nd quarter starting Miami punts and it hits the end zone for a touchback.
Notre Dame starts off at their own 20 on 1st down and they call a quick pass to TJ Jones over the middle for a short gain of about 3, which they then follow up on 2nd down with an intermediate pass over the middle to Goodman for a pickup of about 10 down to the Notre Dame 33 and a fresh set of down. Golson throws an incomplete pass to Davonte Neal on 1st and on 2nd he finds Goodman over the middle for a pickup of about 7. On 3rd down Golson audibles into a Play Action Boot Leg and finds Goodman over the middle again for the 1st down at the Notre Dame 48. Once again on 1st down now Golson looks to TJ Jones on the left boundary who takes the ball for a pickup of about 9 to the Miami 43 bringing up 2nd an inches where he fakes the hand off and targets Davonte Neal deep only to have it tipped by the defense. On 3rd and inches you would think the obvious option is a QB Sneak or Dive or some shit right? Nope, they hand it off to Robby Toma on a sweep and he gets pelted in the backfield for a loss of 2 bringing up 4th and 3. Kelly seems to have realized that he has an All-American caliber back on his team as he lines the troops up to go for it on 4th and 3 from the Miami 45. On what you thought was going to be something safe to pick up 3 yards Golson instead drops back to pass and tries a screen over the Wood but the defensive end is right there to swat the pass down forcing a turnover on downs. Fail.
So Miami gets the ball back at their own 45 and on 1st down they drop back to pass it and target the wideout about 12 yards deep towards the boundary and just as hes going to make the catch, Lo Wood comes in a breaks up the pass but drops an interception in the process, which brings up 2nd down. On 2nd they try to run and Kapron Lewis Moore shuts it down for a 2 yard gain. On 3rd and 8 Miami goes back to the same exact play as they did on 1st down this series, and what happens? Only the same exact shit where Lo Wood breaks it up but doesn’t catch the easiest INT ive ever seen. Whatever, 4th down and they’re forced to punt anway. The punts goes into the end zone for a touchback.
With the offense lined up at the 20, Miami decides to blitz and just before they can get to Golson, he hits John Goodman who takes the pass for a pickup of 6 making it 2nd and 4. Going no-huddle now Golson fakes the hand off on 2nd down and he hits Robby Toma on a swing pass and he picks up the first down to the Notre Dame 34. On 1st down again Golson looks downfield for Toma again who makes the catch and gets hit right at the 45 and fumbles the ball, but luckily Cierre Wood was paying attention and hes there to scoop it up and fall to the Notre Dame 48 and a 1st down. Notre Dame comes out on 1st and runs a jet sweep to John Goodman of all people who manages to maybe pick up about a yard before getting taken down and apparently coming up injured and the coaching staff goes over to take a look at him. It appears at first to be an issue with his right shoulder but it turns out it’s a strained pectoral muscle and he’s out for the game.
Now comes the time where our other guys have to step up and perform…CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Notre Dame promptly takes a timeout I guess to change things up and regroup. There are 2 minutes left in the half and Notre Dame is up against a 2nd and 9 at the ND 49, so I assume they don’t want to fuck this one up. They come out of the timeout and on 2nd down Golson can’t find his man and the ball falls incomplete. On 3rd down and 9 Golson goes way deep and overlooks a wide open Cierre Wood and the ball falls incomplete, even though it really should have been intercepted. Ben Turk comes out to punt and he targets a deep one as he hits it out of bound right at the Miami 14.
Miami comes out with their work cut out for them but they aren’t intimidated and they connect on a pass over the middle down to the Miami 38. On 1st again they find their man once more who gets out of bounds this time at the Notre Dame 43. Notre Dame really isn’t bringing much pass rush and on 1st again they find the tight end for a pickup of 12 to the Notre Dame 31. On 1st down they try to squeeze a pass over to the right sideline and Bennett Jackson is there but can’t make the interception either, even though he DEFINITELY should have and the ball falls incomplete. What the fuck CBs?! Having brought up 2nd down now, Miami comes out and calls a draw play where they pick up about 4 bringing up a tense 3rd and 6 from the Notre Dame 27. The crowd starts going ape shit but are silenced by Miami who picks up around 13 yards on a screen and now have a 1st and 10 from the Notre Dame 14. On 1st down they hit their wideout over the middle who takes it down to the Notre Dame 1 bringing up 1st and goal. On 1st they try to pass and it sails out of the endzone (yea, they’re at the fucking 1 yard line…) and on 2nd down they try the same shit again and the wide receiver can’t hang on bringing up 3rd and Goal. Im sitting here thinking “They have to fucking run it…right?” and of course they do and get the score. After the PAT its tied up at 7-7 with :35 left in the half.
After a touchback on the kickoff Notre Dame comes out to their 25 and start off slinging finding Robby Toma over the middle but just short of the marker. On 2nd and inches Notre Dame tries to get fancy and fucking throws a screen which Miami shuts down for a loss of 2 bringing up 3rd and 2. On 3rd and 2 with about :15 left in the half Golson launches one deep as shit and TJ Jones can’t catch up to it as it sails out of bounds. 3 downs of horse shit and Notre Dame is forced to punt again with :12 left in the half. Miami returns the punt to their own 34.
Here’s where shit just gets psycho again. Miami has :06 motherfucking seconds left so what do YOU think they’re gonna try? A deep fucking pass to the end zone, which tells you I’m putting in my Prevent Defense because fuck it, right? Well, see that’s where Brian Kelly thinks you’re stupid and wrong. He puts his fucking 3-4 normal on the field. As a result, and as im sure you’ve figured out by now, Miami launches one deep and guess what? Yea, they FUCKING SCORE. With all zeros on the clock they launch one deep and score a touchdown. Honestly, Bennett Jackson is in the area but he literally just stands there and watches it happen. Fuck whatever nonsense this is supposed to be pulling from, it’s just downright ridiculous at this point. But we must let the game play on so let’s continue.
14-7 Miami at halftime.
From the half, Miami gets the ball to start. They take the kickoff up to the 24 to get started. On 1st they try a pass to the halfback that gets stopped for a loss of 2 only to have that fixed on 2nd down with a draw that goes for about 22 to the Notre Dame 44. On 1st down now, Miami tries to pas and misses incomplete and on 2nd they go deep again and this time Lo Wood fights for it and it falls incomplete bringing up 3rd down. On 3rd The QB drops back pass only to look up and see Tony Springmann and Louis Nix III both right in his gril where he is sacked for a loss of all his dignity and about 15 yards. On 4th and 25 they punt and Riddick brings it up to the Notre Dame 38.
Do or die time as the Notre Dame offense has to put some points on the board. On 1st down they hand of the Cierre Wood who picks up about 5 to the left. On 2nd down Golson finds Eifert short for a pick up of about 3 bringing up 3rd and 2. At their own 45 Golson lines up on 3rd down Golson overthrows the fucking ball to a wide open Goodman. EXCELLENT! 4th down and 2 and Notre Dame elects to punt. Miami brings it up to their own 24 where they get started again.
On 1st down two Notre Dame defenders tip the pass and it falls incomplete. They try an option on 2nd down and end up losing 3 yards bringing up 3rd and 13. They go for a draw play on 3rd and even though they pick up 9 they go 3-and-out and are forced to punt the ball, which Riddick brings up to the Notre Dame 42.
Golson looks to open things up on 1st as he lines them in a 5-wide set and strike DaVaris Daniels over the middle for a pickup of 8. On 2nd down Davonte Neal takes the ball on a jet sweep and picks up a solid 4 yards and a first down before getting rocked by a defender and coming up injured as well. Neal is out for the rest of this game with bruised ribs…fuck.
So no Goodman, no Neal, no problem right? Eh, we’ll see. On 1st down Golson tries a screen and it gets batter down by the defense incomplete. On 2nd down they line up with 5 wide again and Golson finds Robby Toma for a pickup of 9 bringing up 3rd and 1 at the Miami 36. On 3rd down Golson checks out of the previously called play and once he snaps the ball he decides 1 yard is for bitches and takes it himself for the 1st down. Now in a hurry up again, on 1st down they audible and Eifert lines up in the backfield where he takes an epic delayed handoff and runs that fucker for a gain of 16 (I so want this) to the Miami 16. On 1st down now Kelly gets a little greedy and tries Eifert out of the backfield again on to have him stopped for a of about 4. On 2nd Golson tries to scramble and picks up about a yard bringing up 3rd and 13 where Golson looks to pass only to get flushed out of the pocket and throw a pass over the middle that falls incomplete. Kelly decides to play it safe on 4th and goes for the easy 3. While waiting for the snap the defense jumps offside making this kick easier and turning 4th and 13 into 4th and 8. Nick Tausch puts the kick up and through the uprights for 3 making the score 14-10.
On the ensuing kickoff, awesome finally happens. The return man takes the ball from his own 1 and runs it out only to meet Dan Fox initially who gets his tackle broken, but that sets up a monster hit for our favorite player, Chris Salvi who forces a fumble which is recovered by Dan McCarthy at the Miami 22.
So NOTRE DAME comes out at the Miami 22 and now has a chance to do work. Golson’s pass to Eifert gets batted at the line on 1st and falls incomplete. On 2nd down, Golson locates Chris Brown (I KNOW RIGHT?!?!) for 9 yards bringing up 3rd and inches at the Miami 13 and that brings the 3rd quarter to a close.
Start of the 4th quarter, Notre Dame down 4, they have 3rd and inches inside the Miami 15. You couldn’t ASK for a better opportunity. Golson decides he’s done taking this shit for granted and he maximizes this motherfucker by throwing a dart on 3rd down to Eifert who catches it and falls into the end zone for an ND touchdown. Following the PAT, Notre Dame goes up 17-14 with about 5 minutes to go in this game.
Miami brings the kickoff out to the 22 where they get started. On 1st they try to run and pick up about 5 yards before being stopped by Tuitt. On 2nd down they hit a man on a pass and they take it down to their own 43. With some steady momentum, Miami runs the ball on 1st and picks up 8 to the Notre Dame 49. On 2nd and 2 they try another run but this time Te’o is done waiting around and stuff this play in the backfield for a loss of 3 forcing a 3rd and 5 from the Miami 48. With 3rd down now, Notre Dame needs a solid stop here. Miami snaps the ball, the QB drops back to pass and targets a WR on a slant but Josh Atkinson is there to break the pass up and it falls incomplete. WOO!
The celebration lasts a short moment as Miami decides they’re not done yet on this drive and they’re going to go for it here. On 4th down they snap the ball and the QB drops back, cant find anyone open so he looks back across his body to the WR in the flat, who he tosses the ball to only to have it knocked away by Lo Wood ending that shit and turning the ball over on downs at the Miami 48.
With 3:30 left in this one Notre Dame now gets a chance to ice it. On 1st down Golson finds Ben Koyack over the middle for a solid gain of about 13 down to the Miami 35. Again having picked up the 1st, Golson targets TJ Jones at the 20 yard line and he makes the catch and walks out of bounds having picked up another 15 yards. With yet another 1st down, Golson lines up to pass but hands off to Cierre Wood on a draw and he runs that bitch so damn hard down to the Miami 1-inch line. On the next play Kelly does the sensible thing and hands the ball off to Ben Koyack to punch it in for the touchdown to put this one a little more out of reach. Following the PAT Notre Dame, goes up 24-14. Fuck. Yes.
The ensuing kickoff goes into the end zone for a touchback and Miami starts their uphill battle at the 25. They decide to pass on 1st and it gets knocked down by Bennett Jackson on a play where he should have made yet another INT. 2nd down now, and Miami’s QB decides to scramble but can’t get anywhere as KLM is there to sack him for a loss bringing up 3rd and 11. On 3rd the QB gets flushed out of the pocket once again by KLM and decides to throw one late over the middle to a mob of blue jerseys where of all people, Manti Te’o jumps up to make the easy INT to begin sealing this bitch away.
With the ball and the lead, Golson comes out at the Notre Dame 48 and on 1st down he hands off to Cierre Wood and the unthinkable happens, he fumbles to ball. Not only that, Miami recovers and they Nick Martin gets called for a facemask penalty on the return. Miami gets the ball at the Notre Dame 44 now.
So now in Notre Dame territory the backup QB is in for Miami to see if he can make a difference…and boy does he ever. On the first play he launches on into the end zone and Miami scores just like that with 2:20 left in the game. It’s clearly not over yet but FUCK!!! FUUUUUUCK!!! So following the PAT, the score is now 24-21 Notre Dame. As much as I expected them to come out and onside kick this, they don’t and George Atkinson III takes the ball out to the Notre Dame 25.
On 1st down Cierre Wood tries to run it and gains about a yard. On 2nd Golson find Eifert underneath for a toss that nets about 8 yards bringing up a HUGE 3rd and 1. On 3rd down Notre Dame shows that its trust in Cierre Wood has no dwindled at all as they hand off to him and he proves to them why he’s the best back on the team by busting this run open and weaving in and out of defenders eventually taking this one all the way down to the Miami 28. BECAUSE FUCK YOU MIAMI! So now all it takes is to kill the clock and we should be…OH WAIT, HOLY SHIT IS THAT TJ JONEST WIDE OPEN IN THE END ZONE WITH THE BALL IN HIS HANDS?!?!?! Yep, Golson says “fuck this” and throws a TD pass to really make this one difficult for the Canes, going up 31-21 following the PAT with about 1:40 left to play. Niiiiiice.
Miami gets the ball from the 20 following a touchback on the kickoff. On 1st down the back up is out for some reason and its back to the shitty stater who hands off and gets about 6 only to then decide its time to spike the ball on 2nd (?). On 3rd down the QB tries a scramble and doesn’t get there bringing up 4th down where they go for it and manage to pick up decent yardage down to the 48. After spiking the ball again they try a swing pass to the running back, who breaks a tackle and picks up about 12 down to the Notre Dame 41. On 1st they spike it again and on 2nd the QB drops back to pass and the ball is swatted down by Zeke Motta. 3rd down now and the QB drops back and doesn’t realize until it’s too late that Chase Hounshell is about to wreck his face and he gets sacked for a loss of 12 bringing up 4th and 22. On 4th down Miami seals its fate and overthrows everyone on the field turning it over on downs. Golson takes a pair of knees and this fucker is DONE SON! 31-21 Final score.
I’ll say this much, even though it was NOT pretty, it was a HUGE improvement over what we’d seen from this team thus far. The biggest concern now on the team appears to be the secondary and they not only allowed a ridiculous passing touchdown before the half, but they simply couldn’t come away with maybe 4 or 5 easy interceptions during this game. Them boys need work! Other than that, surprisingly enough the QB play was stellar on this given Saturday as Golson managed to not turn the ball over at all. Also of merit was our scoring output which finally eclipsed 20 points this season. There was no shortage of weapon usage today as everyone got involved and Notre Dame played its most balanced game of the season. Not a bad way to come off a bye. Overall a pretty good game to try and correct the errors of our ways thus far and launch us into the rest of the season, but it’s still looking like this one will be around 8-4 at least once it’s all said and done. Oh, and just as an added note of awesomeness: Purdue beat #3 Michigan 44-25 this week…FUCK MICHIGAN! That is all. Bring on Stanford!
Golson: 22/34, 230 yds, 2 TD, 0 INT, 64% Completion, 0 sacks
TJ Jones: 5 Recs, 88 yds, 1 TD
Wood: 6 Carries, 92 yds, Long of 43 yds
Simulation Rundown
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