Mississippi State Hates Its Own Fans

I’m stuck on you, whoa oh whoa oh
Stuck like glue
You and me baby we’re stuck like glue
Whoa oh whoa oh, Stuck like glue
You and me baby we’re stuck like glue

No, this is not part of a congratulatory note from Mississippi State athletic director Scott Stricklin to Dan Mullen, but rather actual lyrics from a song by Sugarland.  The very same Sugarland that’s scheduled to play a show immediately following State’s spring football game.

I say, (whoa oh, whoa oh)
Whatcha gonna do with that?
(Whoa oh, whoa oh)
Come on over here with that
Sugar sticky sweet stuff
Come on give me that stuff
Everybody wants some
Melodies that get stuck
Up in your head, whoa oh, whoa oh (3X)

Now, one would think the Sugarland performance will have no effect on the good, decent, and completely sane State fans who would rather watch a 12-hour film of Sylvester Croom and Woody McCorvey talk offensive philosophy than be subjected to one minute of the audio pain and horror pumped out by Sugarland.  But, alas, that is not true.

There you go making my heart beat again,
Heart beat again
Heart beat again
There you go making me feel like a kid
Won’t you do it and do it one time
There you go pulling me right back in
Right back in
Right back in
And I know, whoa oh
I’m never letting this go, whoa oh

The people who pull the levers and such at Mississippi State have decided that in order for fans to attend the spring game, they’ll have to pay $25 (but only $15 for students!), which will cover the cost of attending the spring game AND the Sugarland show.  And, as of right now, there appears to be no way to attend the spring game for free, which all spring games should as they are terribly boring to watch, and then get the hell out of there before Sugarland ruins the afternoon.

Some days I don’t feel like trying
Some days you know I wanna just give up
When it doesn’t matter who’s right, fight about it all night
Had enough
You give me that look
“I’m sorry baby let’s make up”
You do that thing that makes me laugh
And just like that
(chorus)

Absolutely none of this makes sense.  Historically speaking, it’s a pretty good time to be a Mississippi State fan.  The football team has gone to and won back-to-back bowl games, currently holds a three game winning streak over rival Ole Miss, and, if not for an uncharacteristically good play by the Auburn defense, would have finished above fifth place in the SEC West.  Even the basketball team looks poised to have a season in which they win more than 20 games and end up in the NCAA Tournament.

Yet, despite these good times and feelings, State’s athletic department wants to poison the air it breathes?

Absolutely no one that knows me better
No one that can make me feel so good
How did we stay so long together?
Everybody, everybody said we never would
And just when I, I start to think they’re right
That love has died

As a result of this act of fascism, I am calling on all State fans (and everyone on this planet) to email Scott Stricklin horrible, horrible things about Sugarland and this idea, but mainly horrible things about Sugarland.  Their existence should make all of us hate ourselves. 

Whoa oh, whoa oh
You almost stay out, too stuck together from the ATL
Whoa oh, whoa oh
Feeling kinda sick?
Just a spoon full of sugar make it better real quick

This is the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.  And in this country, we have the right to attend generally unfun spring football games free of charge without the fear of being subjected to one of the worst musical creations the modern world has ever seen and heard.  So, Mississippi State fans, let it never be said I didn’t suggest something for your benefit or that of humanity.

Seriously though, I hope Sugarland goes swimming with the dolphins and the dolphins drag them out into the open sea where they can be eaten by sharks.