Ole Miss Student Government Attempts To Justify Its Existence

Every year at Ole Miss, a male student is elected most popular or something like that at homecoming by the 10% of students who actually vote in things.  Instead of being called "Mr. Ole Miss", the winner is called "Colonel Reb."

Side note:  A friend of mine, our freshman year, thought the "Colonel Reb" election was for the person who would get to wear the Colonel Reb mascot costume at football games.  This was after he spent a week "campaigning" for him, which, for you non-Ole Miss people, is basically standing in heavily trafficked areas saying, "Vote for Blah Blah."  We mock him unmercifully to this day.

Recently though, some part of the Ole Miss student government ruled the Colonel Reb name to be "unconstitutional" and that future winners will no longer have that title.  I have no idea what constitution the name violated, but if you enjoy student governments being student governments and asserting WITH AUTHORITY the tiny sliver of power they actually have, read that article.

It's filled with people doing whatever they want, indignation and outrage over something that doesn't matter, and, of course, quotes from those people who will be desperately waiting for a future employer, who is casually glancing at their resumé, to bring up their student government experience in an interview.  The United States government, which is allegedly a real government, in all its bumblefarting expertise could not achieve something like what is in that article.

Anyway, now that "Colonel Reb" is gone, a need for a new name that is not "Mr. Ole Miss" is pressing because just going with "Mr. Ole Miss" is way too simple of a move for a place like Ole Miss.  Our basic, non-issue moves need to be ripe with controversy and debate.  So, to help the folks out who will start some sort of survey to collect new names for "Mr. Ole Miss", I've thrown together a few options.

Tate Cannon

Hayden Bluepants

Sterling Redpants

Trixon Rebelpants

The Honorable Paul McLeod

War Caruthers

Barton Barton

Boss Rebel

Bossman Rebel

Hey Man Rebel

Buddy Rebel

(Wrong Name) Rebel

Daxley Turner Center

The Library Rebel (sponsorship opportunity!)

The Horse

Anders Tahoe

Marlin Dawson

Bowtie Magee

Rush Chair Rebel

Mr. Sigma Phi Kappa Pi Rebel (sorry other fraternity bros, you never win anyway)