To say last week was an unmitigated disaster is being too kind to unmitigated disasters. Last week was letting Houston Nutt have an extra year to turn it around, and then he hires Skip Holtz as his offensive coordinator and Ted Roof to coach the defense.
So in order to fix that wreck, we're gonna have to turn it around big time this week with steely determination and will, which always works when gambling is involved.
Last week: 1-6 (UGH)
Season: 7-11 (.389)
Louisville (-14) at Kentucky
The good news for Kentucky fans is that they do have enough talented players to thrash the likes of Miami (OH), so we're able to pencil them in as "somewhere between Miami (OH) and Western Kentucky", which, ironically enough, also works geographically. The bad news is no one noticed because the calendar says basketball practice starts in a few weeks.
Oh, and there's also that part about having to play Louisville, which, given where Kentucky football has been the past few years, is probably also bad news. I'll take the Cardinals to cover, but all I really hope happens is something like this again:
Southern Mississippi at Arkansas (-23)
Southern Miss has now lost 14 straight games, which I didn't think was possible unless you were coached by Houston Nutt or were Prairie View A&M, who lost 80 straight games from 1989-1999. This game should get that streak up to 15, which is only 65 losses and 5 seasons away from such immortality!
However, due to spite, I've decided to keep picking against BERT until I get one right. THAT'LL SHOW HIM. Golden Eagles and 23 sweet points, please.
Alabama (-7.5) at Texas A&M
Last year, Texas A&M came out with the intention of burning down the entire state of Alabama (minus Lee County because Gene Chizik would do that on his own) in the first quarter, and they nearly did so, building a 20-0 lead. While the Alabama defense was trying to weather the shitstorm, its offense was learning that standard Alabama slowly smothering the life out of you offense wasn't going to work.
The Texas A&M defense was good enough to handle the run, run, pass combination used by Alabama. Only when Alabama started to get more creative, with things like, GASP, passing on first down, were they able to move the ball.
This year, while Alabama's offensive line is not the paving unit they had last year, Texas A&M's defense, particularly the front seven, is not nearly as good as last year's version. With that in mind, Alabama should look more competent on offense than they did against Virginia Tech and be able to apply standard Alabama smothering offense without hitting as many rough spots.
And even though Johnny Manziel may be better than he was last year (HE STILL AIN'T LIVIN' RIGHT, PAAAWWWLLL), never doubt the power of Nick Saban having 9 months to get ready for anything, whether it be angling to get a set of antique dishes at a garage sale for $15 (MASTER OF HAGGLING) or slowing down an offense he held to 64 yards during a 20-minute stretch last year.
Alabama to cover.
Tennessee at Oregon (-28)
Well that line got aggressive in a hurry, didn't it? Was Las Vegas not convinced by Tennessee's role in Western Kentucky's self-destruction? SOMEONE HAD TO SCORE THOSE FREE TOUCHDOWNS.
My only regret about this game is that Phil Fulmer won't be on the sidelines while Tennessee gets its face kicked in like that dude in the elevator scene in Drive. Oregon to cover.
Mississippi State at Auburn (-6)
Just to remember some good times, I hope Kiehl Frazier gets the opportunity to throw an interception or two, or really, just commit a turnover. And I'm really disappointed neither school made a special uniform to remember the 3-2 game, which celebrated its five-year anniversary this week.
Mississippi State and the points.
Kent State at LSU (-36.5)
FUN FACT: NO FUN FACTS.
LSU to cover.
Vanderbilt at South Carolina (-14)
Steve Spurrier as a double-digit favorite against Vanderbilt a week after a tough loss to one of the teams he's battling to win the SEC East. Will uninterested or just-get-through-this rule the day?
Vanderbilt and the points.
Ole Miss at Texas (-2.5)
Oh, how good things look for Ole Miss. Texas just gave up seven miles of rushing yards off of read-option plays, fired its defensive coordinator less than 24 hours after the game, replaced the fired coordinator with a guy who has been out of football for two years and used the Longhorn Network to evaluate the talent, is currently planning to start its back-up quarterback, and is without Daje Johnson, who was one of their biggest offensive threats.
Also, everyone is openly discussing who will replace Mack Brown after Oklahoma smashes him to pieces again (which will happen regardless of what happens in this game). Sounds like the perfect storm for Ole Miss, no?
FOOL. If being an Ole Miss fan has taught me anything, it's that just when things seem like they might work in our favor, the Rebels find new, spectacularly creative ways in which to destroy themselves from within.
And any Ole Miss fan who isn't thinking that is either freebasing message board talk or a sociopath (PERHAPS THE SAME THING). The only question that remains is how Ole Miss will find a way to lose this game.
Will Case McCoy set a school record for single-game passing yards against a house of cardboard Ole Miss secondary? Will some unknown running back trot his way to 300+ yards? Will Bo Wallace pull a Michael Henig and throw six interceptions?
All of these are in play and are just mild samples of what will go wrong on Saturday. What will happen on Saturday will be a version of one of these guesses that has spent the last 72 hours doing PCP and will have the strength and adrenaline that requires 27 cops to put it down.
Texas to cover.
Add The Sports Daily to your Google News Feed!
