"It's a great day here at the University of Florida,…
NAILED THE LANDING…WAIT, NO, OPENING, RIGHT? YES, OPENING. OPENING IS THE BEGINNING BECAUSE IT STARTS WITH "O", WHICH IS LIKE THE MOUTH OF A TUNNEL, AND YOU HAVE TO GO IN THROUGH THE MOUTH TO GET TO THE END.
…a lot of hard work put in by our staff. I don't think people realize the contribution it takes from everybody.
ESPECIALLY OPENING THE CANS OF BLACK BEANS FOR DINNER AT THE OFFICE. CAN'T BITE THROUGH 'EM LIKE I USED TO. THE INTRODUCTION OF CAN OPENERS HAS SAVED ME HOURS OF TIME THAT ALLOWS ME TO WATCH EVALUATE FILM OF RECRUITS AND COMPOSE THOUGHTFUL NOTES TO THEIR FAMILIES.
It's a total team effort on campus, professors, our administration, our academic people do a fantastic job.
HOW DID THE NERDS GET IN THIS SPEECH? I SPECIFICALLY EDITED THIS SENTENCE TO HAVE NO NERDS. LOOKS LIKE ALL THE SECRETARIES AND OFFICE STAFF WILL BE RUNNING STADIUM STEPS THIS AFTERNOON.
When a young man comes on campus for an official visit, all of the people that have to contribute to make that a special experience, and our people do it the best.
PEOPLE LIKE ME AND MY CHARM AND SNAPPY WIT THAT CAN BE OVERWHELMING FOR THE UNINITIATED.
Our travel people do an amazing job.
YOUR MOM IS AMAZING, BUTTNOSE IN THE SECOND ROW.
All of our pilots, you guys seem to track pretty well, but they do a phenomenal job, but it takes all these moving parts to make things work the right way.
MAKE A JOKE ABOUT TENNESSEE AND PILOT TRUCK STOPS. OH MAN, WHAT A CHANCE FOR A ZINGER. LET'S SEE, PILOT TRUCK STOPS AND TENNESSEE GO TOGETHER LIKE…….WHY IS THIS SO HARD. HUMOR IS STUPID AND WEAK AND NOT FUN, I QUIT.
So we got a great staff. Our staff did an outstanding job.
EXCEPT THE PART ABOUT LEAVING THE NERDS IN AND NOT GIVING ME A PILOT TRUCK STOP JOKE. THEY'RE MAKING ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT RIGHT NOW.
You know, we had a miserable fall, and to have the staff come together, three new coaches in Kurt Roper, Mike Summers and Coleman Hutzler come together and change a little bit, not philosophically, but schematically offensively, adjust some things that we need to do in midstream as far as some of the guys we were recruiting and to put together this class I'm really proud of that.
WHO THE SHIT ARE KURT ROPER, MIKE SUMMERS, AND COLEMAN HUTZLER? COLEMAN? ISN'T THAT A CAMPING EQUIPMENT COMPANY? DID I HIRE A CAMPING EQUIPMENT COMPANY? SURELY NOT. I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE WOULD'VE STOPPED ME SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY.
I don't know where we ended up as far as any rankings and all. You all know me, I don't get overly concerned with that.
MORE IMPORTANT CONCERNS LIKE YELLING AT THE RIGHT OCTAVE. TOO HIGH MAKES YOU SOUND LIKE A VICE PRINCIPAL WHO HAS LOST CONTROL OF A MANDATORY ASSEMBLY. AND TOO LOW MAKES YOU SOUND LIKE A BALROG OR SOME OTHER DEMON FROM LORD OF THE WIZARDS.
I was watching ESPN this morning and somebody said Tom Luginbill was the number one ranked junior college player when he came out. I intercepted Tom Luginbill, so that'll tell you how important those rankings are, and I texted him this morning just to remind him of that.
STEP TO THAT, LUGINBILL.
But hey, just really pleased with these guys and what we were able to do roster wise…
OH, HERE COMES THE LANDING. ABOUT TO PUT THIS TRIPLE AXEL ON SOMEONE'S FACE. HEY, NICE BALLER REFERENCE TO FIGURE SKATING WITH THE GAMES OF THE WINTER OLYMPIAD UPON US. SOCHI SEEMS LIKE A PLACE WE SHOULD HOLD OUR AUGUST PRACTICES. NOTE TO SELF: WHEN OFFICE STAFF FINISHES RUNNING STADIUM STEPS, ASK ABOUT FALL PRACTICE IN SOCHI.
…so I'll open it up for any of your questions there.”
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