“Chris, so glad to be here in the big city. New York City. The city of lights. Neon and whatnot. Nothin’ like it nowhere.
“The lights, the people, it just, man I tell ya, couldn’t be happier to be here. But you know, not just here to have some fun. No sir, here to evaluate Johnny Manziel, Blake Bottles, or wait, no, that’s Bortles – shoulda known that, I almost recruited him – Teddy Bridgewater, and AJ McCarron for this NFL Draft thing that’s gonna be on the TV.
“Boomer, the thing about these – hey, I always wanted to tell you what a great nickname that was. Short, powerful. Sort of jumps out from behind a corner when you’re not looking. Reminds me of when they would come get my cell phone and ask who I’ve been textin’ and callin’.
“One minute I’m coaching my guts out for the Razorbacks, the next they’re all like, “Houston? Who have you been callin’?”. Didn’t even know they could do that. But hey, all part of the job, I suppose. Some great years there in Fayetteville with Coach Broyles and some special people.
“Anyway, Boomer, like I was saying – man, I love that nickname, just like I love all four of these guys. They can really put the ball out there, almost anywhere they want to. And that’s a sign of a special quarterback. Putting the ball in a receiver’s hands when you don’t call for a power run play.
“You know, kick the guard out, get the center up on that second level. Whoooooo, boy! Used to love hittin’ people with that play back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back. Hey, that’s the thing you do, Boomer! All those backs in a row like that. Great call you came up with. Never gets old. Love me some baseball, but don’t see as many games as I’d like to.
“But like I was trying to say five minutes ago, I really do like all of these quarterbacks. Johnny Manziel. He’s just a wizard. Never know what he’s gonna do with that ball. Run it, throw it, who knows. And while I know from experience you shouldn’t trust wizards – they go back on deals like you wouldn’t believe, Boomer – Johnny Manziel is the good kind of wizard. I’d make a deal with him.
“And then you’ve got Blake, who’s a big strong guy. He wanted to come to Ole Miss when we were there, but I told him, ‘Blake, listen up, son. We’re coming off back-to-back Cotton Bowl wins for the first time in 50 years – 50, Blake! 50! Our quarterback situation is looking pretty good with Nathan Stanley and no one else.’
“Boomer, you don’t need depth at any position when you’ve got a starter, unless you’re trying to find more Dexter McClusters. So I said he could maybe play tight end, but we’re lookin’ real good there too. So it was one of those things where the depth chart just wasn’t gonna make it easy for him because there were people in front of him.
“But, hey, it all worked out great for him. Nice career there at Florida Central. And speaking of nice careers, Teddy Bridgewater. What a talent. Cool, calm, makes throws.
“When I look at him, I say to myself, ‘HDN, there’s a guy that gets it.’ He can do it with the best of ’em, and not only that, do it with the best of ’em everyday, which only the best of ’em can do all the time.
“And when you talk about the best, you gotta talk about AJ McCarron. Three-time national champion, and two of those he was the starter. A fine young man coached by the great Nick Saban, who has got to be the best coach in America, Boomer.
“True story, did you know that when Saban left LSU to go to the Miami Dolphins thing, he recommend me as his replacement? I swear on my straw hat and my $4.35 million buyout settlement from Ole Miss. Me! That’s how highly he thought of me, Houston Dale Nutt from ol’ Little Rock, Arkansas.
“Could’ve had us some wild, winning times down there in Baton Rouge. Yessir. Would’ve taught those Tiger fans that the way you spell ‘fun’ is W-I-N. Incidentally, Boomer, would’ve been the first word many of them could correctly spell. So it would’ve been educational and fun and win.
“But, hey, I’ve taken too much of your time here. Great quarterbacks in this draft. Be lucky to have any of ’em, just gotta treat ’em right.
“And before I take my back-to-back Cotton Bowl trophies, first time in 50 years, and get outta here, I’d just like to remind those drafting quarterbacks that I’d love to be there to hep’ ’em along. I’m known as some kind of a quarterback whisperer, Boomer. Just shoot me a text. I’ve got an unlimited data plan and this time, there ain’t nobody who can check up on all my textin’.”
For actual analysis, Chris Brown’s latest bit for Grantland is worth reading.
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