I can’t remember the last time I made predictions and took the time to write them down, and I have no plans to change that method. Instead, I put that burden of potentially being horribly wrong on you.
From now until the start of the season (hopefully), I’ll ask six extremely important and detailed questions about each team in the SEC and provide answers to these questions. With the answers to these well-researched questions, you should have all the material you need to make informed predictions about each team, which, if you are super-confident, you should attempt to turn into financial reward for yourself.
And if you don’t trust my minutes of research and thought, feel free to answer the questions yourself and be SO VERY WRONG.
Today’s teams: Texas A&M, Georgia, and Mississippi State (gotta speed things up before Thursday)
TEXAS A&M
1) Without looking, can you name three players on the team? Because if you can’t name three players, the team is either severely lacking in experienced talent or you don’t pay that close of attention to other teams due to all the stuff you have to remember on a day-to-day basis.
Kenny Hill was recently named the starting quarterback over Kyle Allen (that’s two!), but I would imagine both will get a chance to throw to Ricky Seals-Jones, who will allegedly be the next terrifying wide receiver in what will probably be a long line of terrifying wide receivers as long as Kevin Sumlin is employed at A&M.
2) Would you trust the head coach to successfully run the Country Jamboree Rec Center Car Wash Benefit?
Of course. Hell, I’d probably even volunteer to work for him. HE’S JUST SO CHARISMATIC.
3) Can the quarterback throw the ball over them mountains?
That cannot be verified at this time. What the people really want to know is if Hill or Allen can make a basketball shot from the top deck at Kyle Field.
4) Can you reasonably expect to escape injury if forced to hold the ball behind the offensive line for at least four seconds while a defense rushes you?
Though they lost Jake Matthews to the NFL and a few minutes each week on Hard Knocks, everyone else is back, so I think it would be a pretty safe place to be. Unlike being near the Atlanta Falcons’ coaching staff, which is like being in a 19th-century textile mill in England.
5) Does the offensive coordinator know the right times to RUN THE DANG BALL?
Though the “Johnny Manziel play” is no longer an option, the A&M offense should still be a pretty miserable experience for defenses, provided Hill or Allen are not completely overwhelmed. In fact, the loss of Manziel will actually force them to stop relying so much on one player and involve others, particularly the running backs, who disappeared at times last year.
6) Can the defense reasonably expect to surrender at least two career-high statistical days to opposing offensive players during the season?
/cues up the Duke game
YOU KNOW IT. AND TWO IS BEING WAY TOO GENEROUS.
GEORGIA
1) Without looking, can you name three players on the team? Because if you can’t name three players, the team is either severely lacking in experienced talent or you don’t pay that close of attention to other teams due to all the stuff you have to remember on a day-to-day basis.
Hutson Mason takes over for Aaron Murray at quarterback where he can do his best to get the ball to Keith Marshall and Todd Gurley because, while Mason is entering his fifth year at Georgia, thus reeking of familiarity with the offense, NEVER trust or pin your hopes on a fifth-year senior who is first-time starter (unless he plays for Mike Leach).
2) Would you trust the head coach to successfully run the Country Jamboree Rec Center Car Wash Benefit?
Absolutely, and it would go down as the kindest car wash that left people wanting more, but first, we need to get to St. Simons for golf!
3) Can the quarterback throw the ball over them mountains?
He watched Aaron Murray do it many times, but has never actually done it himself, which should make Georgia fans somewhat nervous. Is Mason a talented player who just happened to get stuck behind a really talented player and never wanted to transfer for playing time, or is he the next Joe Cox?
True story: Joe Cox’s uncle once emailed me to say that he did not appreciate a joke I made about Joe Cox. One of the high points of this overgrown corner lot of the Internet.
4) Can you reasonably expect to escape injury if forced to hold the ball behind the offensive line for at least four seconds while a defense rushes you?
Three starters are gone, which means it could get a little busy back there. If those spots can be filled with talent, which one assumes Georgia has, it might be okay, but are you willing to risk your delicate frame over the word “might”?
5) Does the offensive coordinator know the right times to RUN THE DANG BALL?
Georgia fans’ disgust over some of Mike Bobo’s decisions created RUN THE DANG BALL. While I think Bobo is perfectly fine, according to Georgia law, he does not know when to RUN THE DANG BALL.
6) Can the defense reasonably expect to surrender at least two career-high statistical days to opposing offensive players during the season?
Todd Grantham has moved on to Louisville and a MILLION DOLLARS A SEASON to fight opposing head coaches in Louisville’s conference, but he was replaced by Jeremy Pruitt of Two-A-Days fame. After watching Two-A-Days like my life depended on it, I cannot believe that Pruitt went from high school defensive coordinator to learner of what asparagus is to defensive coordinator for the national champions.
The point is, BRING BACK TWO-A-DAYS. Also, I am ashamed I do not own the DVDs of both seasons.
MISSISSIPPI STATE
1) Without looking, can you name three players on the team? Because if you can’t name three players, the team is either severely lacking in experienced talent or you don’t pay that close of attention to other teams due to all the stuff you have to remember on a day-to-day basis.
Are there any players other than Dak Prescott? Let’s consult Mississippi State Internet……
NOPE.
But I would like to mention wide receiver De’Runnya Wilson because DE’RUNNYA.
2) Would you trust the head coach to successfully run the Country Jamboree Rec Center Car Wash Benefit?
Only if it’s competing against That Car Wash Benefit Up North.
3) Can the quarterback throw the ball over them mountains?
Not only can he, but he’ll move them mountains back a few hundred miles, then throw it over the new mountain range he created.
4) Can you reasonably expect to escape injury if forced to hold the ball behind the offensive line for at least four seconds while a defense rushes you?
Heading into this season, Mississippi State was a little thin (though not in terms of girth) on the offensive line with the departures of Gabe Jackson and whoever started at right tackle last year (I can’t remember everything). Last week, Damien Robinson, who was expected to start at right tackle, tore his ACL and is out for the year, meaning a group that was lacking in numbers just got a little smaller.
Obviously everyone would love to have infinity offensive linemen that can play, but you can get by with eight or nine (barring everyone being injured). Right now, State has maybe six, which is not A REAL GOOD TIME. Maybe they can develop a few more as the season progresses, but developing offensive linemen on the fly is not the best of situations.
5) Does the offensive coordinator know the right times to RUN THE DANG BALL?
Much to the delight of most State fans, Les Koenning moved on to coach receivers for Charlie Strong at Texas. Dan Mullen called the plays last year, and will do so again this year, but he will not have Les whispering 10-yard out routes with a quarterback that struggles to throw them into his ear.
6) Can the defense reasonably expect to surrender at least two career-high statistical days to opposing offensive players during the season?
While Mississippi State Internet continues to set insane expectations for Dak Prescott and the offense, they’re overlooking what will be the strength of their team. The defense got a lot better last year and all signs indicate it will be even better this year.
With a good defense, Mississippi State should be in most every game it plays, especially since everyone in the SEC West is introducing a new quarterback, minus Ole Miss and Arkansas. And Arkansas’ quarterback just had his truck set on fire, so maybe he doesn’t count either.
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