Taking place every Thursday (ALLEGEDLY), I take a look at each game, make a few BOLDHOTTAKE predictions, then declare on which side of the point spread I will place myself. The twist this year is that I’m going to pretend that $4 million of Houston Nutt’s lump sum buyout from Ole Miss, which totaled $4.35 million, was given to me by Nutt for the purposes of “exciting investment opportunities” (Nutt is keeping the last $350k for expansion of the Cotton Bowl wing of his New Mexico home).
For each game, I’ll wager $25,000 because that seems like a wildly reckless bet, yet one Houston would be okay with, and we’ll see how much money I add to his empire, or how much I lose and force him to become the running backs coach at New Mexico (he’ll probably do this anyway).
OFF WE GO.
Last week: 7-2
Season: 13-5
Money earned: $200,000
Houston Nutt’s fortune: $4,200,000
That $200,000 will buy a swanky one bedroom, one bath, 350-square foot condo in Highland Park while waiting for HDN Manor to be properly renovated.
Auburn (-9) at Kansas State
Prediction(s): Manhattan, Kansas will finally be exposed to the excellence of Auburn Men, on the field and in the stands and pre-game festivities, as there will be those students wearing orange blazers non-ironically because that is their job as a school ambassador or something. No one’s life in Manhattan will ever be the same after tonight. Mostly because watching Bill Snyder’s old man powers crashing like waves against the rock that is God’s chosen people will be pretty traumatic. But also, those damn blazers.
Bet: Auburn to cover
Troy at Georgia (-41)
Prediction(s): First and goal from the four, and Mike Bobo calls play-action again to win the troll of the season thus far. Oh, man, PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN. I’d love to see video of Georgia fans’ reactions on the golf course when they find out about it.
Bet: Georgia to cover
Texas A&M (-33.5) at SMU
Prediction(s): Houston Nutt gets a front row seat to see the talent he’ll inherit next year (GOD WILLING), shakes his head in disbelief at how lacking it is, but still lets everyone at SMU (fans, boosters, cotton candy vendors, ushers, kids who had to go because their dad made them) that he’ll take the job if offered.
Bet: Texas A&M to cover
Florida at Alabama (-14.5)
Prediction(s): When CBS zooms in on Will Muschamp’s face as he stares blankly out at the field late in the fourth quarter while trailing by three touchdowns, it is a look that will be a mixture of haunting and #sadpuncho.
Bet: Alabama to cover
Indiana at Missouri (-13.5)
Prediction(s): Cam Cameron is not walking back through that door, Indiana! He’s too busy finding ways to not improve LSU’s offense.
Bet: Missouri to cover
Northern Illinois at Arkansas (-13.5)
Prediction(s): He hasn’t had the chance due to not winning any game of significance at Arkansas, but welcome to a date with a first-class letdown, Bert!
Bet: Northern Illinois and the points
Mississippi State at LSU (-9.5)
Prediction(s): Faced with their best chance to beat LSU in a number of years, Mississippi State plays it perfectly. They lean heavily on Dak Prescott’s running ability and short passes, let their defense dominate a pretty blah LSU offense, and somehow avoid special teams disasters.
It all goes swimmingly for the better part of 50 minutes. Then everything catches on fire and pain begins to fall from the sky and fill the souls of all who are associated with Mississippi State because that is what Les Miles teams do. Give you hope that you will win, then take everything good and decent from you in the span of 10 minutes.
Bet: LSU to cover
South Carolina (-21.5) at Vanderbilt
Prediction(s): Allegedly, Vanderbilt has settled on a starting quarterback in the form of Patton Robinette. Unfortunately, Vanderbilt still has to play this game. Fortunately though, following a huge win, Steve Spurrier South Carolina teams very much enjoy playing like a Houston Nutt-coached SMU team will, which should help avoid an Ole Miss/Vandy-type score.
Bet: South Carolina to cover
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