The Worst Football Game I Have Ever Attended

Ole Miss plays Memphis on Saturday, which means it’s time for Ole Miss to fund 15% of Memphis’ athletic budget, and memories of miserable games to come to the surface. Historically, the Ole Miss-Memphis game is a brutal experience, even when you win, because it’s typically played early in the year, which means the temperature hovers around broil, and the level of incompetence displayed often knows no bounds.

A fine example of this occurred during the Ed Orgeron era at Ole Miss. Orgeron, a coach who won just 10 out of 35 games, defeated Memphis in each of his three years as head coach.

He did this despite being outgained in all three games with three of the worst offenses in school history. What’s even more impressive is that none of those Orgeron games come close to qualifying as the worst game of this series, which also happens to be the worst football game I have ever attended.

That scene took place on September 4, 1999, at the Liberty Bowl in Memphis. It was a horrendously hot and humid day that marked the beginning of the 1999 season for both teams, and David Cutcliffe’s first regular season game at Ole Miss (Cutcliffe coached Ole Miss in the Independence Bowl the previous December).

In a game played with the purest form of total and complete offensive incompetence, Ole Miss managed to win 3-0, thanks to a missed Memphis field goal early in the game and a wide receiver dropping what would’ve been a long touchdown pass with around two minutes to play. For the 57,523 people who witnessed this steamy mess, its numbers will never be forgotten (nor will they forget how it actually got hotter when the sun went down; based on my memory and an informal survey of people who were there, humidity levels reached GUSHING FOUNTAINS OF SWEAT FOR THREE HOURS).

Total Offense
Ole Miss: 291 on 73 plays (3.98 yards/play)
Memphis: 115 on 62 plays (1.85 yards/play)

Quarterbacks
Romaro Miller (Ole Miss): 11 of 24 (46%), 87 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT
Neil Suber (Memphis): 14 of 32 (44%), 123 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT

Fumbles
Ole Miss: 5 (lost 4)
Memphis: 5 (lost 1)

3rd Down Conversions
Ole Miss: 6 of 18 (33.3%)
Memphis: 3 of 18 (16.7%)

Punts
Ole Miss: 7
Memphis: 11

Now let’s get to the good stuff. BEHOLD, the drive charts of a pair of one-wheeled rickshaw offenses.

Ole Miss
3 plays, 1 yard, PUNT
2 plays, 25 yards, FUMBLE
6 plays, 16 yards, PUNT
9 plays, 51 yards, FUMBLE
9 plays, 49 yards, FUMBLE
6 plays, 23 yards, PUNT
4 plays, 2 yards, TURNOVER ON DOWNS (my favorite one of them all)
3 plays, 9 yards, PUNT
3 plays, -7 yards, PUNT (okay, maybe this one instead)
1 play, 9 yards, FUMBLE
6 plays, 30 yards, INTERCEPTION
14 plays, 39 yards, FIELD GOAL (14 plays to get 39 yards – AMAZING)
3 plays, 1 yard, PUNT
5 plays, 18 yards, PUNT

It should also be noted that Ole Miss’ field goal came with 7:47 remaining in the game. So we were all treated to 52 minutes and 13 seconds of scoreless football. SUCK ON THAT 3-2 AUBURN/MISSISSIPPI STATE.

Memphis
3 plays, 6 yards, PUNT
8 plays, 24 yards, MISSED FIELD GOAL
6 plays, 11 yards, PUNT
4 plays, 4 yards, PUNT
3 plays, -1 yard, PUNT
3 plays, 2 yards, PUNT
6 plays, -1 yard, PUNT
3 plays, -5 yards, PUNT
FUMBLE (on punt return)
5 plays, 8 yards, PUNT
3 plays, -2 yards, PUNT
4 plays, 10 yards, PUNT
6 plays, 16 yards, PUNT
9 plays, 24 yards, INTERCEPTION

Memphis had FOUR DRIVES that gained negative yards. I would say something positive about the Ole Miss defense, but if not for the stone-ish hands belonging to a Memphis wide receiver, they would’ve blown a game in which Memphis reached Ole Miss territory ONCE, thanks to a fumble recovery.

For Memphis, this was nothing new. They would go on to have a very Memphis-at-the-time 5-6 season.

Ole Miss fans, despite this obvious warning sign, considered this a first-game transition, ruined by the inability to recover fumbles of any kind. OH HOW WRONG WE WERE.

The next week, Ole Miss would defeat Arkansas State by scoring actual points, but follow that up with a loss to Vanderbilt at home in overtime. That was the springboard for a 7-4 season, another December in Shreveport, and six years of wasted talent and failed recruiting efforts that eventually lead to Ed Orgeron being placed in charge.

GREAT TO HAVE THIS GAME BACK ON THE SCHEDULE.