The Weekend Forecast: Things Have Quickly Escalated Edition

Taking place every Thursday (ALLEGEDLY), I take a look at each game, make a few BOLDHOTTAKE predictions, then declare on which side of the point spread I will place myself. The twist this year is that I’m going to pretend that $4 million of Houston Nutt’s lump sum buyout from Ole Miss, which totaled $4.35 million, was given to me by Nutt for the purposes of “exciting investment opportunities” (Nutt is keeping the last $350k for expansion of the Cotton Bowl wing of his New Mexico home).

For each game, I’ll wager $25,000 because that seems like a wildly reckless bet, yet one Houston would be okay with, and we’ll see how much money I add to his empire, or how much I lose and force him to become the running backs coach at New Mexico (he’ll probably do this anyway).

OFF WE GO.

Last week: 2-4
Season: 22-17
Money earned: $125,000
Houston Nutt’s fortune: $4,125,000

With that $125,000, Houston can probably just buy Troy and then name himself new head football coach.

Georgia (-3) at Missouri
Prediction(s): If there is anything exciting about the SEC East right now, it’s that this game is its championship. With South Carolina out of the picture, the winner here will most likely be in Atlanta, assuming it does not find a way to lose to Kentucky/Tennessee/Florida.

And if I’m doing this correctly, I believe that if Missouri wins, we can then crown Indiana champions of the SEC East. GO HOOSIERS. #B1G

Based on Hutson Mason on the road and Mark Richt WRECKING Georgia covers, I brunch with you on this Saturday morning, Tigers.
Bet: Missouri and the points

Louisiana-Monroe at Kentucky (-21.5)
Prediction(s): Had Kentucky been able to beat Florida a few weeks ago, they’d be 3-0 in the SEC and leading the East. Granted, they’d still need to beat Indiana for division supremacy, but Kentucky!
Bet: Kentucky to cover

Auburn (-3) at Mississippi State
Prediction(s): Mississippi State will take Kansas State’s game plan of sending guys into the box late, inject it with more pain and punishment, and try to ride that to a successful shutdown of Auburn’s offense. The only problem with such a strategy is that it leaves Auburn’s wide receivers in some one-on-one matchups with a State secondary that hasn’t been what you might call “good”.

Kansas State was burned a few times, but were also helped by a few drops from Auburn that could have blown things open. Of course, if State’s defensive line can dominate, which seems like a real possibility, then those favorable matchups for Auburn go away due to more guys being able to drop back into coverage.

On the other side, it’s pretty much the same story. If Auburn can consistently make Dak Prescott throw in second/third and long situations, they’ll significantly slow down State.

Now, which of those will happen? WHO KNOWS. What am I supposed to do here, make predictions? I mean…wait, what? Hmmm. I see. (note to self: take the word “prediction(s)” out of this post)

Anyway, I’ve gone back and forth on this (and as one ex-Oklahoma player once said in a sideline interview, “forth and back”), and I expect things to be extremely tight and OH MY THE ANXIETY AND AGONY (Godspeed to everyone involved), but I know better than to go against Gus and God’s team.
Bet: Auburn to cover

Alabama (-10) at Arkansas 
Prediction(s): Alabama playing a one-dimensional offense and a bad defense, with a liberal (AIN’T NOTHIN’ BOUT BAMA THAT’S LIBERAL, PAAAWWWLLLL) amount of RAGE thrown in, and destruction of Arkansas is imminent. Unless Brandon Allen becomes Not Brandon Allen, it does not strike me that Arkansas will be able to score enough to make up for the hemorrhaging by its defense.
Bet: Alabama to cover

LSU (-1.5) at Florida
Prediction(s): There was a time when all the people in our fine land would’ve turned their eyes upon this game. As Uncle Tupelo once said, “That time is gone” (been listening to a lot of Uncle Tupelo recently and THEIR BREAKUP STILL MAKES ME ANGRY).

This game also gives me the opportunity to post this, which is always enjoyable:

And in a game like this, I will take points wherever I can get them.
Bet: Florida and the points (incredibly)

Ole Miss at Texas A&M (-2)
Prediction(s): ONLY SIX MORE EXCRUCIATING GAMES (sorry, Presbyterian) AND WE’RE HOME FREE.

Anyway, based on the height of where my tickets are for this game, I should be able to reach out and touch the surface of the moon, which could be kinda cool, I guess, SINCE WE’VE NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE. As for something related to the actual playing of this game, if Ole Miss doesn’t turn it over multiple times, they win.

Now, I am completely terrified of this game and will probably have to be talked out of jumping off the top of the stadium at several points during the game, but based on what I’ve seen so far, Ole Miss looks like the better team. And if we are as good as I think we are, this is a game we should win.

Will it come easy? OH GRASSHOPPER, THAT IS THE SILLIEST OF ALL THE QUESTIONS. It will be brutal and I will hate everything about it until the game is over, but I like our chances.
Bet: Ole Miss and the points