Taking place every Thursday (ALLEGEDLY), I take a look at each game, make a few BOLDHOTTAKE predictions, then declare on which side of the point spread I will place myself. The twist this year is that I’m going to pretend that $4 million of Houston Nutt’s lump sum buyout from Ole Miss, which totaled $4.35 million, was given to me by Nutt for the purposes of “exciting investment opportunities” (Nutt is keeping the last $350k for expansion of the Cotton Bowl wing of his New Mexico home).
For each game, I’ll wager $25,000 because that seems like a wildly reckless bet, yet one Houston would be okay with, and we’ll see how much money I add to his empire, or how much I lose and force him to become the running backs coach at New Mexico (he’ll probably do this anyway).
OFF WE GO.
Last week: 3-1
Season: 39-38
Money earned: $25,000
Houston Nutt’s fortune: $4,025,000
AND WE’RE BACK, DROWNING IN ALL THAT PAPER. Though with a full complement of games this week, the opportunity to burn everything down or double that paycheck is strong to quite strong.
LSU (-3) at Texas A&M
All I’m asking of this game is that Les Miles be allowed to speak at any length about Thanksgiving.
“A day for all Americans, that is today, this day of thanks that we call Thanksgiving. It is a time of family, laughter, then of course there is the food. Many a man, and woman, will certainly regret the expansion of their center section. But it is what we do, and we should enjoy that.”
Bet: LSU to cover
Arkansas (-2) at Missouri
Like Bert actually streaking, the current Bert-streak of wins both amazes the eye and forces you to ask yourself how he’s able to do that. He has no quarterback, no wide receivers, and is suddenly throttling people?
YOUR WAYS FRIGHTEN AND CONFUSE ME, BERT. It helps that his defense has gone from giver of points and yards to one that doesn’t freely give those things away anymore, because that allows you to get away with the brothers Allen at quarterback.
Unfortunately for Bert and friends, all streaks (and streaking) must come to an end. Missouri’s defense continues to play well, but its rickety offense has recently found four wheels that work. And let’s not forget, they’re playing for Indiana to become SEC East champs.
Bet: Missouri and the points
South Carolina at Clemson (-4.5)
One gets the sense that Spurrier is within two or three years of turning the remaining 15% of his attention to golf. Which means that we have so few precious opportunities left for him to talk shit about Clemson after he beats them.
GIVE US THIS MOMENT, HBC.
Bet: South Carolina and the points
Georgia Tech at Georgia (-12.5)
Mark Richt as a double-digit favorite in a rivalry game against a non-incompetent team? FREE MONEY FOR ALL.
Bet: Georgia Tech and the points
Kentucky at Louisville (-12.5)
Kentucky’s current five-game losing streak has seen them outscored 219-91. That’s some fine David Cutcliffe in October/November work right there.
Though I have no reason to believe they can use them, other than the rivalry game THROW OUT THE RECORD BOOKS crutch, I want those points on my side.
Bet: Kentucky and the points
Florida at Florida State (-7.5)
When Coach Boom pulls the upset, I want him to grab the camera while he’s being interviewed on the field and scream “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM” before maniacally laughing and sprinting away.
And I did see that Coach Boom will not be making the trip with the team to Shreveport or Birmingham in late December. A true loss for all of us in not being able to see Muschamp’s anger freeze to death.
Bet: Florida at the points
Mississippi State (-2) at Ole Miss
I should probably just copy and paste the last three or four times I’ve blabbered about what Ole Miss needs to do to win a game. The Egg Bowl will come down to whether or not the Ole Miss offensive line is soul-crushingly awful or just awful.
We’ve won games with the line being awful, but soul-crushingly awful gives us results like the LSU and Arkansas games. If they achieve the level of awful, then Dr. Bo has a chance to perform surgery without being asked to do the whole thing by himself.
The Ole Miss defense is good enough to keep them in the game for an extended period of time, but if the offense is going three and out or turning it over repeatedly, they’ll crack and Mississippi State’s task will be much easier. It would be REAL SUPER if, while the defense was holding State back, they could force a turnover or two for some easy points, but I’ll take just not letting the dam burst.
In the end, Mississippi State’s defensive line is probably too good, and unless Ole Miss gets some breaks, it would take some performances we haven’t seen from players on offense in order to win.
Bet: Mississippi State to cover
Tennessee (-17) at Vanderbilt
James Franklin finding a way out of Nashville to avoid coaching this Vanderbilt team remains one of the great escapes in human history.
Bet: Tennessee to cover
Auburn at Alabama (-9.5)
This should be a pretty stable environment with lots of courtesies extended both ways in the stands, the field, and watch parties throughout the state of Alabama. Though, the Alabama defense will most likely not follow the Auburn defense’s lead in extend courtesies because Nick Saban is a real son of a bitch like that.
If Blake Sims plays really well, Alabama will light Auburn on fire. If he plays like normal Blake Sims, which is where I cast my lot, it should remain a relatively close game, with Auburn occasionally threatening Alabama’s lead, but not having enough to overcome a horrible defense and an offense that is quickly turning stale.
My only wish, other than the purest form of chaos to occur (or whatever creates the most angry people), is to see like five of Nick Marshall’s dying duck passes deep down the middle of the field intercepted, as all of them should be but never are.
Bet: Auburn and the points
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