Dwayne Roloson is an F-ing Beast

It’s time for everyone to stand up and show respect for 40-year old netminder Dwayne Roloson. This guy has played his entire career on putrid hockey teams (including the time he backstopped the Oilers to the Stanley Cup Final cause they were the 8th seed and limped in) and kept them from absurd levels of suckiness and made them only kind of subpar (except for that Finals run where they, you know, went to the Finals). He’s never been on a good team and has, especially in the last few years as he has approached 40 years of age, made them appear much better than they really are. HE’S A MAN. HE’S FORTY. RESPECT HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND WELL POLISHED RESUME.

For video of the most absurd consecutive saves you will ever see, jump with me.

Roloson came up with the Flames at a time when they really blew. 1996. That was an awful time for all hockey teams in Alberta. Gretzky and Messier were gone, Lanny was long gone too and the good times of the 80s had come to a screeching halt. OK, so Roloson’s stats with the flames sucked, but that was 13 years ago and he was a rookie. Lay off the guy. We’ll move on. So did Rollie. He moved on the Sabres, didn’t play much and was later signed as a free agent by the EXPANSION MINNESOTA WILD. He posted a .927 save percentage in 2002-03 when he helped the EXPANSION MINNESOTA WILD to the Western Conference Finals. The next year his stats were better although the end result was not as he posted a .933 save percentage and 1.88 GAA with the almost-kind-of-still EXPANSION MINNESOTA WILD. And I don’t care what you want to say about The System in Minnesota, those are still solid numbers.

The Oilers liked his act so much they said ‘hey, why don’t you do that for us?’ in 2005. They liked it so much in fact that they gave up a first and a third rounder for him. Well, it payed off as a team that was pretty iffy to being with and hadn’t beaten anyone in the playoffs since 1998 started to gel. He played for the Oilers for four years post-lockout and didn’t have eye popping stats even while he BACKSTOPPED THE TEAM THE STANLEY CUP FINALS. If it weren’t for an injury to Roloson that caused the Oilers to have to play Jussi Markkanen for part of the Finals (that’s puking you hear from Alberta), they might well have won. And oh yeah, last year all Roloson did was play 63 GAMES at the AGE OF 39 for a team that was pretty not so good and still had respectable numbers.

And this year he’s doing it all over again. The Islanders looked like an actual hockey team for the first two months of the season. We all knew they were going to fold, and they currently are in the process of doing that (although before I get the hate mail from my Islander breathren let me mention that yes, they have a lot of ability and the time to turn things around and are by no means out of it). But no matter how you slice it, this was the worst team in the NHL last season. And no matter how you slice it, Dwayne Roloson has had as much of an impact on this team, THIS YEAR, as John Tavares. There have been many games won by the pads of Roloson. You don’t think so? You don’t want to give it up for Grandpa Roloson? You say he needs a cane for Christmas?

HOW ABOUT THESE APPLES:

How about a 58 save performance in Toronto? FIFTY EIGHT. Ok, I know, it’s the Maple Leafs. But FIFTY. EIGHT. SAVES. Marty Brodeur has never had to do that from behind his plush cushioning of Stevenses, Rafalskis and Niedermayers.

And do me a favor and just ignore three of his last four starts. Looking at those numbers would ruin this whole post.

OH? THAT’S NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU? YOU CRAVE MORE PAIN???

While talking to Chris “THE GAME” Botta this week Glenn Healy who knows a thing or two about goaltending said the following: “What Hasek did at 42 was phenomenal. What Roloson is doing on Long Island is really something special.” You hear that? That’s Glenn Healy using Roloson’s name in the same paragraph as Dominik Frickin’ Hasek.

BOOM.

And take this in:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlT9wRqg8sE&w=425&h=344]

It’s a pretty lucky bunch of saves, no doubt. But this is a 40-year old goaltender on a not so bueno team never giving up on a play on A MONDAY IN LATE DECEMBER. How many goaltenders would have even made the first save? Jose Theodore would have been like “Ah fuck it, I’m just gonna stare at the hot chick in the third row.” And we all know Henrik Lundqvist would have stopped to think about what he was going to buy at Express on his day off. Even Dominik Hasek, when asked for comment, was like “I have to make at least three backflip to do that save. Very impressive.”

So there. RESPECT DWAYNE ROLOSON’S AUTHORITAH!

UPDATE: Guess who was first star tonight? That’s right.