I’m sure you’ve all seen the video of Evander Kane knocking out Matt Cooke.Here it is again, just because I can:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xW9Sp-WndwA&w=425&h=344]
This video was so moving to me, it inspired me to combine two of my best loves: hockey fights and Broadway musicals. I’m in a production of Grease (woo, being an extra!), so of course I’m hearing “Grease songs everywhere I go.
Here is my abridged version of “Summer Nights”, with the chorus being various hockey writers, players, and other related personalities.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pDFcxg6ZRI&w=425&h=344]
EVANDER KANE: Cookie punching, I kicked his ass.
MATT COOKE: Cookie punching, happened so fast.
KANE: He looked kinda funny at me.
COOKE: He just could not let me be.
KANE &COOKE: Game delays, laughing away, at, oh, those Kane-Cookie fights
CHORUS: Well-a-well-a-wella HUH! Tell me more, tell me more did you make his head bleed? Tell me more, tell me more, can Kane even read?
KANE: He skates by me with his head down.
COOKE: Tapes his stick up just like a clown.
KANE: What a punk, so I screwed up his shit.
COOKE: I would have won, if I didn’t slip.
KANE&COOKE: Refs are there, but nobody cares, it’s a Kane-Cookie fight.
CHORUS: Well-a-well-a-wella HUH! Tell me more, tell me more, did Kane punch out Cooke’s guts? Tell me more, tell me more—
DON CHERRY: ‘cuz he SOUNDS LIKE A WUSS.
CHORUS: Tell me more, tell me more, did you damage his brain? Tell me more, tell me more—
ERIC LINDROS: I LIKE CHICKEN NUGGETS!
(music slows)
COOKE: He’s on a stretcher, that’s where it ends.
KANE: I can’t feel fingers on either hand.
COOKE: Going to the box right now.
KANE: My head, just…friggin’ OW.
COOKE & KANE: Scoring dreams, ripped at the seams, but…oh. Those Kane-Cookie fights!
CHORUS: Tell me more! Tell me more! (dramatic ending complete with jazz hands and such.)
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