Go to your favorite local wing establishment. Order the hottest wings on the menu.
Two hours later when you’re shitting your brains out, bottle up that feeling, because it is still more pleasant than trying to recap the first 3 quarters of this game.
Also, while your large intestine is screaming at you, think about how fast those hot wings went through you. Then consider in about half that time, Tom Brady and the Patriots ran through the Steelers defense 6 times.
Hines suffered a concussion on a helmet-to-helmet hit. Probably won’t get fined since it wasn’t James Harrison.
Jeff Reed missed a 26-yard field goal. We’re picking a kicker in the draft in April. Bank it.
Kai Forbath, the nation’s #1 kicking prospect, kicked a 51-yarder to beat Oregon State a few weeks ago.
Pretty good kick. Pick him in the 5th round.
Ben threw a pick-6.
Willie Gay couldn’t cover anyone.
Tom Brady is looking less like Justin Beiber and more like Boromir.
Watch out Frodo, he’s going to try to take your Ring.
Speaking of Boromir, in our Google Image search, which was much more entertaining than the actual game, we found this gem. Might be one of the Top 10 Photoshops of all time:
On that note, we’ll talk about a few good things that happened:
Emmanuel Sanders caught his first career touchdown pass.
Mike Wallace had 2 TDs.
That about wraps it up.
Time to bring in the heavy artillery to deal with this shitstorm.
Only have to place one call:
So next time you’re thinking about putting a bag of dog shit on some old guy’s stoop and lighting it on fire, think about how you felt during this game. Because that’s how he’s going to feel when he opens his door.
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